From being a couple to a threesome, there’s no denying that with a baby comes inevitable change, and as parents you have to welcome an overhaul of the life that you’re used to. Patience and teamwork is the key to successfully getting the hang of parenthood. “I have become more patient as a person. When it comes to making decisions, Aurko is my priority. I also rely on a lot of advice from other mothers,” says Durba.
One of the biggest myths of becoming a mother is the instant bond everyone talks about. Not everyone naturally possess maternal instincts. Durba says, “The bond takes time to develop, it certainly doesn’t happen over night. Aurko started recognising me from the second month. I don’t know if it was the touch but he would calm down in my presence. He started smiling when he was fi ve months old.” Durba realised first hand that every mother’s learning curve takes place in the initial months of life. “I was extremely careful when it came to handling Aurko because I was afraid that I would hurt him. It was a time that I completely depended on my mum-in-law. Perhaps, that’s why Aurko is deeply attached to his grandmother. She was with me right from the beginning, and she even looks after him when we are away at work,” Durba admits. As it turns out, Rabin’s mother is also the only person who can make Aurko laugh for no particular reason.
But, the biggest change came when Rabin drastically altered his lifestyle to accommodate a baby. “He has cut down on his social gatherings. His TV viewing has come down to almost zero and he also refrains from using his mobile or other gadgets in front of Aurko,” says Durba. Rabin, like every first-time dad, was reluctant to hold his little boy but did make an effort. Soon, he found it easier to hold his baby. However, Rabin still leaves most of the care taking to Durba. “My husband is not a very hands-on daddy. I don’t think he’s changed more than one diaper till now. But, he has been a very supportive husband and an extremely caring father. While he may not do the actual changing, he does keep everything ready for me to use—the diapers, wipes and sheets—but will wait for me to do the final job. I think it’s better that way,” she laughs.
THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT
10-month-old Aurko is unlike other babies his age. He’s a happy, peaceful child who seldom cries. Durba recalls, “When my sister-in-law came down for his rice ceremony, she announced that she was going to make it her mission to get him to cry at least once. It wasn’t really surprising that during her fortnight-long stay with us, that she was unsuccessful. While Aurko doesn’t cry easily, he will let us know when he’s annoyed or uneasy by making various faces. He’s only recently started expressing his displeasure by curling his lips and shedding just one big drop of tears,” says Durba. Aurko has been a blessing, and roughly follows his parents’ sleep pattern, something both Durba and Rabin are thankful for. “We’re working professionals, and the fact that Aurko sleeps throughout the night, and doesn’t give us any trouble, is definitely a positive. We get the rest we need.” She further adds, “Barring the early days when he would take time to sleep perhaps due to colic, we haven’t faced any issues putting him to sleep at night. He gets up for his feeds or if he is restless, but once he’s taken care of, he goes right back to sleep. He doesn’t sleep much during day time, just about 20 to 30 minutes, but this gives my mother-in-law and I time to finish some household chores,” Durba explains.
For Durba and Rabin, parenthood has definitely been a wonderful experience. “Aurko has a lot of blessings riding on him so I am certain that whatever he chooses to do when he grows up, he will master it. As parents, all we can do is guide him as best we can. I don’t want to be one of those parents who insists on living their unfulfilled dreams through their children. I won’t enforce anything that will be contrary to his natural instincts and talents. As parents we only wish a better world for our child to grow up in.”
As for Durba’s new lease on life, she empathises with other women, especially her parents. She now understands that it’s not as easy as it looks when it comes to raising a child. For now, she’s taking things as they come but is relishing every precious moment. ■
● First word ‘mumma’.
● Mood kicks: If he swings his legs while sitting on the lap, he is happy. If he kicks it, a complaint is on the way.
● A strong disapproval to wear shoes.
● Love for mosquito nets. Every single time he laughs and throws his legs up in the air when the net rubs against his face.