Dr. Indira Mallya

How to pre-empt sibling rivalry of preschoolers

January 2, 2020 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

Sibling rivalry is usually expressed with negative emotions and behaviours between siblings as they go for hammer and tongs when things don’t go their way.
Sometimes the rivalry gives rise to unhealthy competition between siblings as they vie for parental approval and attention. At other times a child surrenders meekly to the machinations of an overpowering sibling.
Sibling rivalry also becomes a behavior problem if allowed to fester in early years.
It is possible to pre-empt sibling rivalry by mothers to avoid a traumatic situation for their preschoolers.
Here are some tips highlighted through an example of preparing a first born preschooler for the birth of his little sister.

Step 1
Inform child about new baby
When you think it is the right moment start sensitising your child to the new baby.

First let him feel the presence of the baby growing inside mum’s body.
Introduce the baby as a new family member and seek your child’s help to set up a sleeping area with all the things the former may need.
Talk about the baby’s birth in the hospital and allay any separation anxiety he may have with his mum leaving for the hospital.
Tell him that the baby will need looking after at all times as it is very tiny and helpless.

That even he had gone through the same experience.

Step 11
Hospital visit by the child

Declare the baby’s gender as soon as she is born. Make him feel a proud older brother.
Your child can prepare a greeting card and home made gifts such as hanging mobiles, with some help from family members. He can hand over all the things for the new baby at the hospital
He can touch the baby very gently and see how helpless, dependent and lovely she is!
Do emphasize that both mum and his little sister will come home very soon.

Step III: New baby at home

Demonstrate your love for your older child and impress upon him that you love him as well as his little sister.
Whenever possible, involve him in many activities with the new baby, so that does not feel left out.

Remember to:

Tell your older child stories about babies who were helped by their responsible older brother and sister.
Set some do’s and don’ts for him, when interacting with his little sister. Support it with an explanation.
This will help him understand his helping role better.

Your child can play with his sister under your supervision. When the baby rewards him with smiles, squeals and gurgles, it will help build a special bond between them.

You know your children the best, therefore you should think of ways and means to promote positive interactions between your younger and older child. Answer your preschooler’s questions. Try not to give an overdose of answers. So mums go ahead and pre-empt the issue of sibling rivalry and share your rewarding experiences with other mums.

It’s storytime, kids!

November 7, 2019 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

Storybooks fire the imagination of three-year-olds, provided the books are selected according to their developmental level. Even if they can’t read now, they have built a repertoire of spoken language skills to aid them in understanding short stories on close family, and familiar animal themes narrated by their mums.

Once your three year-old loves the storybook you bought for her, she will then cajole you into reading it aloud for the umpteenth time! Each time, she will listen with rapt attention, but squeal in delight, and show animated expressions whenever she encounters portions she likes. Further, she may narrate some of the dialogue and funny words or rhyme, along with you as she has mastered them by now.

As a fond and alert mum, you may want to ignite the love for storybooks in your preschooler, especially as it contributes towards many facets of her learning.

Key benefits for preschooler

The child’s concentration is increased as she listens to the story narration with rapt attention.
The child learns day to day vocabulary, and gains many new concepts for example she may learn about a hut or a preschool.
Her memorising skills are increased when she masters snippets of dialogue, and rhymes or jingles.
She also gets opportunities to feel or express a gamut of emotions when she identifies with or dislikes the characters in the story, as the case may be—humour, sadness, empathy, sympathy are some of the examples.

She will also pick up some positive behaviours such as holding mum’s hand while crossing the road, sharing with others and so on by identifying with the positive characters in the story.
In some cases, your child may also learn a few problem-solving beaviours. For instance, how to keep your puppy warm in winters.

Selecting picture story books for preschoolers

Age appropriate book

Check the two covers to see which age group the book addresses.

2. Its sturdiness and size should enable the child to handle it by herself.

Storyline details

Is the language simple and sentences short?

2. Are there some funny words, sentences or rhymes that get repeated throughout the story

3. Is it an appropriate theme and the characters familiar to the child? For instance, how a lost kitten manages to find his owner (a little girl)

4. Does the story have a happy ending?

Take your preschooler with you when you go shopping for her picture storybook, as she will give you first hand information about her likes and preferences.

A Child’s Play: Developmental skills of toddlers through daily routine activities

July 16, 2019 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

Toddlers, upward of 18 months, are very inquisitive as well as adventurous. They spend most of their time exploring everything that takes their fancy, even if they land themselves in awkward and risky positions. When confronted by tyrant mums, they create a big ruckus like aggrieved victims (of course)!

However, it is important to understand that they are merely driven by instincts, which enhance their development skills to explore and discover things around them. After all, playing is all about exploring and learning. It is possible for a mum to harness some of the pent up energy and promote a few developmental skills of her toddler through daily routine activities by advance planning.

Select developmental skills

Here are examples of the developmental skills you may promote through daily routine activities of toddlers.

Gross and Fine motor skills which includes learning head control, trunk stability, standing up and walking. Fine motor skills are involved in smaller movements that occur in the wrists, hands, fingers, and the feet and toes.
Sensory skills through the senses such as vision, hearing, smell, taste, touch, vestibular, and proprioception
Personal skills of independence and self-help behaviours.
Cognitive skills such as thinking, recollecting and retaining information with dedicated practice.
Emotional skills such as empathy, kindness, positive thinking, resilience and many more.

Plan of action

Following are some exemplars for mums to start off

Allot a dedicated play area to your toddler where he can make a mess and not be reprimanded. If you label it with his name he will own it.
Allow him to select his day’s clothes from a pile of two sets only.
Ask his help in carrying his plate, sipper cup and spoon to the dining table.
Seek his help in cleaning up his play area.
He can be directed by you to carry his towel to the bathroom and put his used clothes in the laundry basket.
He can carry the picture storybook from its designated place when it is time to read out a story to him and can also put the book back when you are done reading for him.
Encourage him to bring his shoes and the shopping bag from their designated places, when you are both ready to go out.

The above plan of action will help your toddler feel empowered and thus independent.

Keep it simple and let him carry out the activities at his own pace. Motivate him to practice and hone his skills. This will ease his transition to the next level of development.

Feel free to include your creative ideas when you want to extend the scope and execution of such plans for your toddler.

Remember that he directs this and it is significant to take cues from him to find out if his participation is age appropriate and beneficial to his skill set development.

How to provide emotional security to your li’l one

June 26, 2019 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

It goes without saying that a mum has a big hand in promoting emotional stability in her child. Her timely guidance and interventions will lay a sound emotional base, on which her child will build a future, and foster social and inter personal relationships.

Emotional security for young children is to feel loved and cared for, which begins at home through parental love and protection. Daily interactions with people in their surroundings helps to lay a foundation for social and emotional experiences they will have in their lives. Here you’ll find select guidelines to do so – Illustrative examples herein will centre around toddlers in the age group of 15 to 28 months, and can also be applied up to preschool age.

By 28 months, a child develops many sensory and motor skills along with some rudimentary language skills. He uses physical skills more than language skills while interacting with others. If left to himself, he goes to extremes when expressing his emotional state. For instance, when deprived of his favourite toy by a peer, he may kick, pull hair, or scream and cry loudly to demand his toy back from the other child.

With growing maturity, the young child learns to negotiate and strategise his emotional transactions with guidance from his mum. Hence, it is important for mums to offer timely help and intervention if she is to guide and steer the child towards positive interpersonal behaviours.

Toddler-centred perspective

Your li’l one is in the process of developing simple language skills, therefore, he is likely to take the physically robust route to express his emotional state at a given moment of time. For instance, he may resort to behaviours such as shouting and hitting, or throwing a huge tantrum, for not being allowed to play during his bedtime.
Due to a strong emotional bond between the two of you, he trusts you as well as depends on you to protect him from fearful and unknown situations, or from stranger anxiety, which he finds hard to handle. So, if you appoint a new nanny to take care of him in your absence, make sure you are physically present for the initial few days in the house till your child gets used to the this new person.
He also needs your help to lay a solid foundation of positive interactional skills with others and be emotionally secured at the same time. This will enable him to secure future healthy relationships and maintain them.
Initially, your child models on your behaviour. Therefore, be a consistently good model for him. Like, demonstrating calmness in handling difficult situations or any confrontations with your child.

Mums, listen up!

Follow a fixed time table to set a daily routine for your child. A sudden change in routine will unsettle him, and make him cranky.
Follow through on what you have told your child, to promote trust and demonstrate your love for him.
Avoid airing differences or conflicts with other adults, in front of your child as it will scare him.
Teach your child self help skills such as toilet training or brushing teeth, when he is emotionally ready. Otherwise it will prove to be counter productive – too much pressure may invite failures and avoidance of the task at hand.
Whenever your child gets agitated, let him cuddle his favourite soft toy to calm him down.

Otherwise, let him play regularly with different types of play materials, toys and equipments to promote his sensory and motor skills as well as to vent out his extra or pent up energies.

When your child indulges in misdeeds, refrain from scolding him. Instead, ask him to tell you why he was indulging in a that particular activity. Encourage him to own up and tell the truth.
Give your child a big hug or pat him lovingly now and then, to make him feel loved and secure.
Find ways to be occupied with what makes you happy and feel worthy of yourself. Positive outcomes will eventually rub off on your child.

In case you find it difficult to handle your li’l one’s extreme behaviours, consult with an expert to reach solutions that best suit you and your child.

Make the most of special experiences for toddlers

June 20, 2019 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

As part of your parenting role, you may be planning an outdoor activity or an experience for your toddler with an eye to make it a special occasion for her. With some added effort from your end, this experience may be enriched with age-appropriate sensory-motor, and related activities.

Here is a sample experience of planning a trip to the zoo for a toddler aged 28 plus months – age-appropriate activities to enrich the sensory-motor skills, vocabulary, and memory skills of toddlers are outlined, keeping in mind the zoo environment.

Planning stage

Familiarise your child to a preferred animal from the zoo, and outline its characteristics and food habits. Use pictures and a small talk session for this purpose.
Make a list of select activities targeting sensory, motor, memory and language skills or any other skill, keeping in mind the zoo environment.

Examples of motor exploration

Running, rolling, jumping, stomping on the grass. Clapping and picking up attractive pebbles or fallen leaves can be other choices.
If possible playing and socialising with other children at the zoo.

Examples of sensory exploration

Walking on dry leaves and crushing them with hands as well.
Running barefoot on soft green grass and running the fingers through them.
Listening for and imitating sounds made by birds or animals.
Counting two to three objects that have the same colour, for instance, green or red colour.

Visiting day

Remember to:

Encourage your toddler to follow important safety rules especially at crossings within the zoo and close to animal enclosures.
Repeat whenever required.
Offer the listed experiences to your toddler as and when possible. Avoid an overdose.
Warn the toddler five minutes before it is time to go home.

Recall time

At an opportune time at home, on the same day, ask a few questions to your child about what he enjoyed, liked and disliked at the zoo. Prompt her if necessary. This will help you know your child better and plan your next trip accordingly.

Little children explore and discover the world through their senses and motor skills. As a mum you can offer many planned activities and experiences to enrich many of your child’s developmental skills. Your consistency in offering these valuable experiences will aid your child in stepping confidently into the next developmental level.

Baby steps in toddler self-care skills

June 4, 2019 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

At 24 months, a toddler has picked up gross sensory motor skills and the ability to follow level one instruction. She gleefully and indiscriminately uses her new found physical independence. She explores anything and everything that takes her fancy, while trying to avert the constant supervision from an exasperated mum!

It is possible to give a positive direction to the physical independence of the toddler by guiding her to learn self -care skills, albeit in its rudimentary form.

These skills are important precursors to self independence and self-care at a later stage in life –

What are self-care skills

These skills are a part of daily living activities which promote health, hygiene and a sense of well being in family members.

In toddlerhood, your li’l one can take baby steps to learn self-care skills under your supervision. If you let your toddler pick up the initial skills, they can be honed as you go along. Just remember that your toddler needs to observe, learn and practice these skills again and again till she gets them right. You can add newer behaviours as she shows progress.

Be patient as the learning has to be paced according to her level and may take her days or weeks to master a particular skill.

A child learns best through a multi-sensory approach. So you can verbalise important actions as the child performs each task. Do remember to use level one instruction, for example you may say “Please put down your tooth brush on the table.”

Washing hands

Necessary actions:

Start by helping your toddler to wipe her hands with a wet tissue before and after meals.
In addition you may use water and napkin to clean her mouth and hands if there is leftover food.
With time and practice, you may ask your child to wash her hands and rinse her mouth with water. She can also wipe her hands and mouth with a napkin.

Bathing

Necessary actions:

Ask your toddler to carry her own towel to the bathroom.
Allow her to apply soap gel from a wash cloth or a scrub on some parts of her body.
Let her enjoy pouring water on herself using a small mug and wash off some soapsuds.
After you bathe her, she can use a small napkin to dry, say her hands or her face, while you finish the rest of the drying.

Brushing teeth

Necessary actions:

Use a mirror to let your toddler watch you demonstrate teeth brushing movements with your tooth brush. Later, she can watch herself brush her own teeth.
Always ask your toddler to hand over the toothbrush, toothpaste or a napkin as the case maybe.
Let her watch you apply the toothpaste on her toothbrush.
When you are done with brushing her teeth, seek her help to rinse her mouth and wipe her mouth and hands.

Mealtime

Necessary actions:

If possible, allot a high chair at the dining table for your toddler.
Guide her to carry her own plate and spoon to the table.
Encourage her to wear an adult shirt or an apron over her clothes for obvious reasons.
Let her eat with a spoon and use a sipper with a lid so that she can enjoy her meal.
Let her eat at her pace but help her to finish the meal if required.
Use her help to clear her plate and spoon from the table and take them to the washing area.

Dressing

Necessary actions:

As far as possible let your toddler select her own clothes from a tiny pile.
Allow her to take off the clothes which she can.
Ask her to extend her hands upwards when you put on or take off her shirt as it is easier that way.
When your toddler is ready, ask her to put on some of the clothes by herself. Loose fitting garments are easy to handle.

Mums, remember

Your toddler is learning self care skills for the first time as well as laying the foundation of self- care with your help. Every child has a different pace of learning these skills depending on many factors of development and the environment. Let her master these skills at her pace.

When your tot is learning a new skill, it is difficult to for her to focus on learning a second skill at the same time. The key is to just wait and watch till she is ready.