Mother And Baby India

India's No 1 Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler Magazine

Dr. Indira Mallya

Tackling toddlers’ separation anxiety

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Toddlers develop a strong bond with their mums. Around 12 to 18 months, a toddler’s stranger anxiety is at its peak which means he will resist being with new caretakers or teachers by throwing tantrums, screaming, wailing or kicking anything in his way to fend off separation from his mother.

On the other hand, he is developmentally ready to go to play school. But as a mum, you will find it hard to wean your fussy ward away from constantly tugging at your bottoms. Though it appears to be a tough job to get an obstinate toddler to attend playschool, we have some tried and tested ways to help you tackle a toddler’s anxiety of leaving home for the unknown outside world.

We have used playschool as an illustrative example of dealing with separation anxiety. You can use the suggested strategies in other separation anxiety situations as well, with a little tweak here and there. As you go along, you will discover your own ways of adjustment which work for you and your little one to face other separation anxiety provoking situations.

Common causes of separation anxiety

A child’s developmental sequence of experiencing stranger anxiety peaks between 12 to 18 months of age. Thus, he is vary of any strangers who approach him and starts to cling to his mother.
Marked attachment of child towards his mother, for security and comfort will not allow a separation from her. He will resist it with all his might.
A toddler feels in control of his environment when he follows a fixed routine. A sudden change in this routine upsets the child so much, that he cries for comfort from his mother.
His need for constant attention gets him unsettled when he discovers his mother has gone missing from the scene.
When he is sick and his mother has to go out for her work or on some errands, a toddler will become whiny and cantankerous.
The toddler lacks the sense of time. He may become inconsolable if his mother is late to pick him up for instance from the play school.
This list of common causes of anxiety will help mothers take necessary action in advance and avoid upsetting her ward as far as possible.

How to prepare for separation (example of playschool admission)

Pre-preparation
1. Familiarise your child to the play school a few days in advance.
Let him explore the playschool environment with you, meet the teacher and caretakers, play with the materials of his choice and watch other children at play.

At home
1. Prepare your child about what to expect at play school.
Tell him it is all right to feel a little unhappy at a new school without mama. However there will be loving teachers, other children and exciting play materials to play with.
2. Begin a daily routine centered on the play school.
3. Tell him you will collect him after nap time at school, every day.
These will help your child feel in control of the situation and better prepared to face the playschool.

Initial days at playschool
1. As soon as you reach the playschool, reassure your child that everything is going to be all right.
2. Try not to feel guilty when you have to leave especially if he tells you not to go.
3. Keep your goodbyes short.
4. Have your own goodbye ritual which will calm and distract him.
5. Guide him towards a teacher or some play thing of his choice before you leave.
6. Do leave with your child a favorite toy or any familiar item from home as a pacifier in your absence.
Make judicious use of this strategy for obvious reasons!

Remember
Your child will stop crying as soon as you are out of his view. He had been crying as he did not want his source of love, safety and comfort to leave.
Do not hover around in anticipation of your child needing you, his teachers wil look after him. Before your final goodbye, remember to tell your child when you will be back, say after his naptime at play school.

Admit your toddler to a playschool after preparing him to the best of your abilities. Thereafter, see that the process of adjustment is gradual and according to your child’s pace. Keep consistency of behaviours, have a constant dialogue with your child and do follow ups with his playschool teacher to ensure a smooth adjustment of your ward.

With a little bit of situational modification, you can transfer these helpful strategies to tackle other separation challenges faced by your child.

Simple ways to raise generous children

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It is possible to raise generous children by setting a good role model and consistently using simple ways at home to learn behaviours that comprise Generosity.

Generosity needs a warm heart, social awareness and a giving nature. Developmentally speaking, it is too early to expect young children to be generous. However a solid foundation may be laid at preschool level, when they can be coaxed to share things, albeit reluctantly. It is only at kindergarten level that they become smarter and learn to compromise and share their possessions, in order to avoid their friend’s displeasure or parting of ways.
As a mother, you can infuse the habit of sharing with others, whenever you feel your child is ready. Later, you can start including other behaviours depicting generosity. You should not feel burdened with this task nor worry about taking out time for the same. Let us enumerate some simple ways to help you fulfill this role.

Provide a good model

  • Demonstrate your own giving nature and the habit of sharing things with family and friends, consistently.
  • Appreciate and praise your children when they are generous with each other or with their friends.
  • A warm hug now and then will also work wonders.
  • Show disapproval to selfishness in a firm and consistent manner.
  • Keeping your family values in mind, identify the most important behaviours of showing generosity, which your child can learn. Be practical and set simple goals which can be achieved by him, without any pressure.
    You may focus on behaviours such as sharing, showing kindness to animals and being sociable with family and friends. Slowly, you may advance to other behaviours, keeping your child’s pace in mind.

 

  • Fulfill the behaviours with simple actions
    Following are a few examples:

    • Ask your child to help lay the dining table.
    • And, to say sorry if he has hurt someone.
    • Persuade your child to at least share one toy with his sibling.
    • Also seek his help in sorting out toys to be donated to his school or given away to the maid’s child. Involve him while handing over the toys.
    • Invoke family kinship as and when your child shows selfishness for instance, by saying “Our family believes in sharing, so let your little sister have that extra doll you have.”

 

  • Or with simple activities
    • Help your child in making birthday or get well cards for family and friends. Encourage him to personalize them.
    • Read books or tell stories to your child on the following themes:
    • Children who look after their pet animals and nurture adopted plants at home.
    • Siblings and peers who help each other and happily share toys, books and other things.
    • Children living in less fortunate circumstances may need some help from others. Pictures will help illustrate the story.
    • Have free discussions with your child as to why some people are more fortunate than others. Show pictures and give lots of examples at his level, to better understand the concepts.
    • Take your child’s help when sorting out material for charity. Take him along with you if you can, when handing over the material. This inculcates the value of giving to the ones in need.
    • If possible show your child a less fortunate neighbourhood.
      Ask him some questions later, to gauge what he has learnt from the visit.

Be ready!
Be ready to answer your child’s questions as and when he is learning the behaviours comprising Generosity, set by you. Be sure to be consistent in your practice.
Once he picks up the initial ones, advance to other behaviours.
A little effort from you will go a long way in helping your child become a generous person as he grows up.

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Tips to live clutter free with children

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Meta sentence: It is possible to live in a clutter free house by putting a system in place with the help of all family members

Moms always complain about their children driving them crazy with the mess and clutter they leave in the whole house. No amount of requests and admonishments faze their wards, so the mothers end up cleaning the mess and clutter themselves.
In such cases a system has to be put in place to make the house clutter free and relieve the mom of extra, clean up duties. Above all, the children themselves will be able to learn to pick up after themselves.
Do not fret moms! Here are some tips to help you work towards clearing up the clutter and mess in your house. Try them out.

Be a good model to your child.
Be systematic and clutter free yourself, as children learn by observing and modeling adult behaviours.

Use a democratic method of disciplining your child at all times.
This method will help your child understand that cluttering will always be frowned upon and invite some disciplinary action from you.

Purge one room at a time
Ensure that all family members work as a team at all times for cleaning up each room as it will save time and energy. First, select a room and gather all the redundant and useless materials from it. Segregate the materials that can be donated and throw away the rest without a second look.
Repeat this exercise for cleaning up all the rooms.

Have a place for everything
After you clean up the house of all the useless materials, designate a place for every category of materials such as, clothes, bags, toys, games and so on, in the given rooms.
If need be rearrange or install hooks, racks, cupboards and other storage items. After that ensure that everyone tries hard to stick to the maxim of “Place everything in its own place”.

Keep storage bins for temporary storage
To continue having a clutter free house, keep some bins at strategic places in select areas and rooms of the house. Each family member tosses things in the designated bin, for temporary storage. Stick a picture to help children identify the right bin .At a selected time all members can help put each material where it belongs. Repeat, till it becomes a habit.

Make a special system for your child

  • Assign a place for your child to play and make a mess.
  • Teach him to clean up from time to time and put things in their right place, instead of scattering them around.
  • When you buy new toys and games, either rotate them or donate the old ones with your child’s help. Thus, your child will not be overwhelmed with the burden of keeping a pile of things, systematically.
  • Store your child’s day to day clothing, toys, games and school materials segregated and within reach to promote self help. Label each category of storage place with a corresponding picture to the materials stored.
  • Everyday, before going to bed, you and your child can keep together his packed school or daycare bag, water bottle and lunch box for the next morning, at one place, for your easy reach. Your child’s uniform, school badge, socks and shoes may be placed together in his room within his reach.
    Use a checklist if necessary.
    Your daily inputs will save you a lot of running around and turning things upside down to search for things at the last moment.

The article offers tips to mothers to remove the mess and clutter, especially created by their children at home. If all the family members participate in this exercise, it will help conserve time and energy of mothers and develop in others the habit of picking up after themselves.
With a little patience and lot of practice, mothers will be able to work out their own system for keeping the house clutter free.

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