Older children of Primary school age, center their attention on the new found universe of their school setting, classmates, and especially an adored class teacher.
In such a scenario, a loving mother finds it hard to let go of her charge to an unknown school environment! She will find different means to monitor his/her well being at school.
Inadvertently she turns into a “Mother Hen” who always nurses a fear that her offspring may come to harm without her presence, in the big bad world outside home.
Note: – Inspiration for writing this article comes from queries raised by mother of a 9 year old girl.
Key insights for mom
- A mother’s constant and sometimes unwarranted questioning and supervision, especially immediately after her daughter’s return from school, may sometimes prove counter productive. If we could only look into her daughter’s head, we would find the barrage of questions badgering her brain!
a) Will you tell me everything that happened at school today?
b) Why do you look so sad today? Did something upset you?
c) Why are you not answering me huh? Are you hiding something from me?
d) Don’t yell at me. I am your mother do you hear?
*The list can go on and on…
*Your daughter may get tired and frustrated with your constant grilling about school every day. Can you not use another option?
*Do you give your child enough opportunities to voice unfettered expression of her joy, excitement, anger or other emotions, about what really happened at school on the given day? This is before you start asking your questions!
*Children, like adults have their “good” and “bad” days too. Hence, even “little things” become “big deals” for them; and this gets shown in their behaviors.
- Girls start their puberty after 8 years, albeit with differentials in age ranges with respect to their physical characteristics, onset of menses which is 2 years after, and hormonal changes. Thus, there will be early and late maturing girls, among peers.
*Hormonal changes use any triggers for arousing emotional mood swings or “flare ups” as some would call them. Yes, even questioning about school could.
Next time your daughter yells back at you, how about taking a deep breath and saying “I will talk to you later when you cool down”?
- As a mother you may think it is too early to talk about the oncoming puberty to your daughter, of course at her level of understanding. Just remember that peers may talk amongst themselves about physical changes and bodily functions.
Your daughter may not share about these things with you as she may not feel comfortable doing that. Remember you have never broached the subject with her.
*So is she being secretive or just being evasive?
*Put on your thinking cap and walk the talk!
As a mother, you know your daughter best. You have more insights into her thoughts and everyday behavior. You will notice when she behaves very differently (out of the ordinary) on a given day, than the rest of the days.
Then, it is time to find out what happened out there and get into action!
Hats off to you Moms