Cover Mum

Durba Ghosh talks about how age plays a critical role when it comes to having a baby, the highs and lows of being a mother and how her son Aurko, has managed to fill their lives with brightness

BY SANIA DHIRWANI
PHOTOGRAPHS BY AKSHAY KULKARNI
HAIR & MAKE-UP BY SACHIN GATHE

FOR 38-year-old Durba, a true Bengali, settling down in the chaotic city of Mumbai was something she never thought she’d do. Of course, life doesn’t always go as planned, and Durba found herself making a home in Mumbai after she met her husband Rabin through an arranged marriage set-up. “I’m from Kolkata and I’ve always found Mumbai to have a rather ‘professional’ approach to everything. That’s definitely not a good thing. When I compare Mumbai to Kolkata, I see the differences. People in Kolkata are approachable, friendly and welcoming. In Mumbai, people barely have time for themselves, let alone for anybody else,” she says. However, after living in this city for over eight years, Durba has come to love the differences, and appreciates Mumbai for what it is.

WHAT TO EXPECT
After their marriage, Rabin and Durba decided to wait a while before starting a family. They wanted to spend quality time together, strengthen their relationship, get to know each other and concentrate on their careers before introducing a new member to their family. After three years of married life, the couple began planning for a baby. “My husband was apprehensive in the start and would skedaddle when anything to do with ‘responsibility’ would come on his shoulders. He soon came around though,” she says. Durba further adds, “We knew our age would be a major hiccup when it came to successfully getting pregnant, but we were already hard-pressed for time. If that’s not all, stress and everyday life served as another block when it came to trying to conceive.” Naturally, this meant a considerable amount of time passed before they managed to get pregnant. Durba admits, “We spent close to five years trying to have a baby. Rabin and I even considered adoption if our efforts didn’t prove successful.” However, their prayers were answered and Durba soon found out she was pregnant.

The couple did consult a number of fertility experts and doctors, just to ascertain that nothing was physically or medically wrong with them. During one of their visits, the couple found out that Durba had the initial signs of PCOS, but they were assured it wouldn’t affect the pregnancy. Problems would arise only because of a stressful lifestyle. However, none of that mattered when the couple found out they were expecting. “In one of the home-pregnancy tests I took one day, I couldn’t believe it when the strip turned pink. Rabin had gone for his morning walk when I called out to him in excitement. He immediately rushed back thinking there was an emergency. But after hearing the good news, I saw just how excited he was,” says Durba, with the same glow as she recalled that moment. Rabin’s parents were elated when they were given the good news, while the rest of their family couldn’t wait to welcome their newest member.

PREGNANCY WOES
However, all was not hunky-dory. All the initial excitement slowly started fading when the pregnancy blues began settling in. The first trimester is usually the hardest, and for Durba, that proved true. “I did not have an easy pregnancy. I was bleeding profusely in the first trimester and the doctors could not detect a particular reason for it. Because of the lack of answers, I was prescribed complete bed rest and I even had to  take Gestone, progesterone injections, on a daily basis for the next three months, to help maintain my pregnancy,” says Durba. The bleeding eventually ceased and Durba was able to resume work, which she continued till it was time to have Aurko.

However, her pregnancy-related problems didn’t stop at bleeding. Durba also developed rashes on her body. According to research, rashes occur in a few cases, when the body identifies the growing foetus as a foreign object. If that’s not all, Durba also suffered from gestational diabetes. “Due to several gastric attacks, I would throw up a number of times in matter of hours. On such occasions I would become too weak to move. But, with time, this also passed,” says Durba, recalling her pregnancy. It was then that Durba found solace in her doctors Dr Duru Shah and Dr Sabah from Gynaecworld, Kemps Corner. “Contrary to what you read or see in the movies, I didn’t have any urge for a particular kind of food, least of all anything sour. I relied on home-cooked nutritious meals and kept a thorough check on my diet,” she says. She relied on the BabyCentre pregnancy app for additional advice and is thankful for the exhaustive information it provided her. During her difficult pregnancy, the couple didn’t give up, and eventually, everything worked out well for them.

GET, SET, GO!
Before D-Day arrived, Durba was showered with blessings from near and dear ones. She received not one, but three baby showers. “It was a delight to watch everyone so excited for the baby to arrive. My fi rst baby shower thrown by our friends was a fun pirate-themed party where our friends’ kids blessed the baby. The second one was a traditional Bengali ritual and many of our family members attended the function. The third one was organised by Rabin’s cousin. I felt special and was happy to see that the baby received so many  blessings,” reminisces Durba.

It was during her 37th week of pregnancy that Durba was wheeled into the Operation Theatre for an elective C-section. The doctors explained that due to her gestational diabetes, if they waited to have Aurko at full-term, his weight would increase, and that could lead to complications. Fortunately, Durba didn’t have a prolonged labour, and within half and hour, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. However, the baby was diagnosed with low blood sugar as a result of the medicines Durba had taken during her pregnancy and hence was kept under observation in the NICU for a day. “Rabin paid a visit to the NICU every few hours and he would come back teary-eyed. Seeing the babies fitted with drips broke his heart, but it made us incredibly grateful for a healthy child,” says Durba, with immense gratitude. After bringing their baby home from the hospital, they settled on the name Aurko, which means Sun. “It was surprising but my husband was a little disappointed when I gave birth to a boy. He was confident that it would be a girl, and for that reason, we never discussed any boy names. We’d always argue over names for a girl,” Durba grins.

 

With an unexpected pregnancy and the subsequent birth of her baby girl Savannah, production designer Steffina Cherian, sbelieves now, more than ever, in keeping it real

BY CHARLENE FLANAGAN
SHOOT CO-ORDINATION BY SANIA DHIRWANI
PHOTOGRAPHS BY AKSHAY KULKARNI
HAIR & MAKEUP BY SACHIN GATHE

NOT A GIRL, NOT YET A WOMAN
For a young college girl, conforming to the plans her conservative catholic parents had for her, was something Steffina couldn’t stomach. She was her own person and wanted to live life the way she deemed fit, something her parents could not understand. Living away from home in a boarding school is perhaps what moulded her into the  self-made and independent woman she is today. “Come to think of it, the distance between me and my family, the disapproval and disconnect is what changed me as a person. I became more outgoing and lively, a quality I didn’t share with my family,” says the 24-year-old.

Steffina was more affiliated to the arts and ended up scraping through her science degree, eventually taking up a course in something she thought would serve her career goals better— Mass Media. That’s where she met her partner, Aditya, an independent filmmaker and cinematographer. Their’s was a friendship turned romance. While her parents didn’t approve of her lifestyle, they did leave her to her ways. But trouble began to surface when it came to the hours she kept, and unpleasantness started to creep in. “Midway through my final year of college, my lifestyle began upsetting everyone at home. This made me stubborn and I decided to leave. I moved in with Adi for a few days before his parents helped me find suitable accommodation,” she says.

Living on her own obviously meant having to support herself, too, and she took up a job at a call centre. This meant late nights, early mornings and sleeping in between lectures and calls. Her only solace was the incredible love and support she got, emotionally and financially, from Aditya and his parents.

WINDS OF CHANGE
Eventually, she moved back in with them. However, with graduation and the job hunt, her comfortable little world would soon be altered. “Adi went to the Philippines to study filmmaking and I moved back home after my parents asked me to, and started looking for jobs in the film industry.” However, the tension at home continued to grow because of her lifestyle choices and she was forced to leave, yet again. “I lived in a friend’s house for a few months, and assisted a few designers. I explored art direction further, which eventually lead me to production design. Before I knew it, one year had passed and Adi had finished his course and was coming back home,” Steffi narecalls. “Of course, when Adi went away, our relationship fizzled out, but we wanted to see if there was still something between us. That’s when we made a trip to Bali to make our reunion special. We weren’t surprised when sparks flew as soon as we met,” she admits.

Before they knew it, everything was back to the way things were. Steffina was home with Adi and his family, and they picked up right where they left off. Nothing had changed except for one thing—they didn’t believe in the institution of marriage, but they knew  they wanted to have a baby together. Aditya was looking for work then, but despite not finding anything suitable, he was certain he wanted a child. Eventually, work found him, which took  him back to the Philippines and the pair decided to part ways.

Despite the breakup they were still friends, and when Aditya decided to move back to Mumbai, they decided to get reacquainted yet again. “Things had definitely changed, but it still felt like us. We began spending a lot of time with each other out of habit. Despite not being in a relationship, we both still wanted to have a baby. Adi, more than me,” she says. “I still needed time; I wasn’t concerned about our baby being a love child, born out of the wedlock, I just thought I wasn’t ready yet,” she says. “But as fate would have it, I soon found out I was pregnant.”

FOR KEEPS
“We didn’t get the results from the doctor till I was two weeks into my pregnancy. But I already knew that I was going to keep the baby. We tried a couple of home pregnancy tests as well. Adi and I were both nervous and excited. While I was certain I wanted to keep it, Adi began to hesitate mostly because we were not together, but eventually he made his peace with my choice. While he did have apprehensions, we were both excited about the baby. Adi couldn’t bring himself to tell his parents, so I did. Naturally, they were concerned about the baby. They knew we were unsure about our relationship, but they respected our decision and supported us
throughout,” she says.

Aditya and Steffi na began going for regular checkups together and began preparing for the baby. But as the days passed by, pregnancy hormones began flowing in, morning sickness and mood swings followed, and they would end up fighting. Eventually, they decided to call it quits. “I decided to move out of the city and live in a peaceful environment. I knew a place up North where people would not judge me and I could live a simple, inexpensive life. Adi was confused and wanted to get out of Mumbai for sometime. He found work in Bengaluru and left. A few weeks after he moved away, I began packing for the North. That’s when his mother called me and insisted on taking care of me and the baby. I was uncertain because of the constant bickering with Adi, but I figured since he wasn’t around, it wouldn’t matter,” she says.

While he was away, Aditya and Steffina stayed in constant touch over Skype. But  it was his mother who was her constant source of support and comfort. “Adi’s mother took care of my meals at home. She made sure I ate a healthy, balanced  diet of ragi, rice with starch water and ghee, tomato juice, etc. Fish and meat was also included in my diet. At the start of my pregnancy, I would take calcium and iron tablets, but Adi’s mum gave me replacements for them as well. Milk, and fish, for calcium, and green veggies for iron,” she elaborates. Of course, a healthy diet and an active lifestyle kept her strong throughout her pregnancy. “I practiced yoga and meditation for all nine months and strictly avoided outside food, alcohol, tea and coffee,” she says. Her healthy lifestyle was probably what made it easier for her to take a trip up north in her third trimester. Since Aditya was visiting Mumbai for a few days, the pair made a trip, and even ended up going on a seven hour-long trek in the mountains.

For Ruhi M D, giving birth to her daughter Zoya taught her a whole new meaning of the word love

BY CHARLENE FLANAGAN
SHOOT CO-ORDINATION BY SANIA DHIRWANI
PHOTOGRAPHS BY AKSHAY KULKARNI
HAIR & MAKEUP BY SACHIN GATHE

MY HAPPY FAMILY Before Zoya came into our lives, my husband and I considered ourselves a rather fun-loving and happy couple. We’re both working professionals and have the perfect balance between our independent lives, and our life as a married couple. We didn’t want for anything—we’re both self-suffi cient and our world was perfect…well, almost. We realised that something was missing and that’s when we knew it was the right time to introduce a new member to our family.

Now, we’re both in our 30s and never considered that conceiving would ever be an issue. We’re young and healthy and like other couples our age, we decided to go the family planning route. But life can be quite surprising, and despite tbeing young, we did experience a little bit of resistance when we were trying to conceive. It was only after a few months of trying, using an at-home ovulation kit, and carefully planning that we were finally successful. The day I announced that we were pregnant, Mohammed was elated. All those months of waiting and wondering were finally put to rest. We were going to have a baby and our happiness knew no bounds. There is one memory I will  cherish forever—watching my husband the man of the house, melt and turn to putty when he heard the news.

I like to think of Mohammed as my partner in crime. But more than that, he  is my rock, my pillar, my support and my constant source of strength. While I was pregnant with Zoya, he was no different. In fact, in those nine months, we grew closer.

PREGNANCY & DELIVERY
During my pregnancy, I experienced not only physiological changes, but psychological changes as well. Mohammed was with me every step of the way. There was nothing he wouldn’t do. Watching the man I love grow into a father was indescribable. I vividly remember the first time we went for my check-up. Mohammed’s eyes lit up when we saw a 4D sonography of our baby. Watching our baby growing within me, and hearing her heartbeat only reinforced that excitement Mohammed and I were experiencing. Our baby wasn’t here yet but we already felt like parents.

I, of course, still went in to work. Balancing work and my pregnancy was worth it. After all, I did have my pillar to rely on. There’s not a moment that went by that I didn’t relish. There’s not a moment I would trade—fatigue, morning sickness, challenges while travelling, various discomforts— every moment has been a magical experience. Then, when Zoya was ready to come meet us, I was rushed to the hospital on the morning of August 17, 2015. Like most women, my delivery wasn’t planned. My water broke and I remember the blinding pain of contractions while I was wheeled to the delivery room. Perhaps it was all those baby books I read, or common sense, but I did have my baby bag packed with all the essentials I’d need to help me during my delivery well in advance. I had a checklist to tick off and made sure I carried everything required with me to the hospital. All I had to do was grab my bag.

Now, let’s get real, having a baby is painful. Ask any mother and they will tell you exactly how traumatic the whole experience can be. For some, it feels like a crushing weight upon their bodies. For me, it felt like all my bones were being broken, one by one, very, very slowly. Initially, I had opted to have Zoya through a normal delivery, but I couldn’t take the pain and I asked for a c-section. Even though it was a comfort to have my mother with me in the delivery room, I missed having my husband holding my hand, as Zoya made her way into this world.

The moment I heard her screams, I knew she was here and I was finally going to meet her. I could feel my breath steadying, and the blinding pain had faded into a throb. When they placed her in my arms, there was no way I could contain myself. I gave in and let the tears fl ow. Having my mother share that experience with me gave me newfound respect for her. She brought me into this world, raised me and made me the woman I am today. After my delivery, I was faced with a lot of changes. My body had grown with Zoya, and now, I was experiencing the physical effects of breastfeeding. Everything I did centered around Zoya’s needs. I don’t remember what it was like to sleep. For me, the concept of time ceased to exist. Days were nights and nights were days. I really couldn’t tell the difference. Having a baby can take a physical toll on you, but more than just the physical, you’re responsible for another life and there are so many sacrifi ces you will willingly make. If I’m being honest, there’s nothing
I would change.

For Dr Shraddha Daryanani, 31, her son Krishnav, 11 months, is the only therapy she needs

PHOTOGRAPHS BY AKSHAY KULKARNI
MAKEUP BY SACHIN GATHE

THE BEGINNING
A physiotherapist by profession, I am happily married to Rishi Daryanani. Two years into our marriage, on a New Year’s day, on our way back from Khandala, I told Rishi about my desire to have a child. Although Rishi is very understanding and has always unconditionally supported every decision of mine, convincing him to have a baby was the hardest. Like most men are wont to do, he weighed out his freedom versus the responsibility of fatherhood— fortunately, the latter won. After six months of constant arguments and fights, we finally went in for our preconception visit, took the essential tests, started with the multivitamin course and at last got a green signal from the doctor to start planning for a baby.

THE PLAN
We both became extremely cautious about our lifestyles, started exercising regularly, modifi ed our diets, avoided alcohol and stress. I am a workaholic by nature, and worked almost 12 to 14 hours a day then, but since I was a consultant and had my own practice, I could control my working hours. I decided to cut down work to four to six hours a day, and give my body the necessary rest it needs. Rishi is into exports and primarily deals with the South American market. I still remember he had a business trip planned to Brazil, so we thought I would accompany him for what might be our last holiday together as a couple before a baby, but destiny had other plans. One of the prerequisites to apply for a Brazilian visa is to get a yellow fever vaccine. But, if I took the vaccination, it would mean that we couldn’t plan for six months. Given how hard it had been to convince Rishi, I did not want to give him that option. So, we decided that he would go by himself. But before he left, he made his vital contribution to our first step into parenthood—he got me pregnant. He was in Brazil when I broke the news to him. His first words were “Huh? You serious? Very cool.”

ROCKY ROAD
My pregnancy was like a roller coaster ride with its share of highs and lows with the highs being Krishnav’s first heartbeat, his first kick, the first time Rishi felt his movements, a normal prenatal test report and every sonography that we went for. We could sit there for hours seeing him. Of course, the doctor wouldnt allow us to do so. The lows included bad bouts of first trimester nausea and vomiting, I actually lost weight instead of gaining, suffered from gestational hypothyroidism and had to undergo repeated weekly blood tests to adjust the thyroid dosage. The biggest blow came in the form of early deep head engagement. Normally the baby’s head gets engaged in the pelvic ring around the 37th week, roughly two to three weeks before delivery, but in my case due to high uterine muscle tone and uterine irritability, Krishnav’s head was engaged in the 26th week itself. The doctor advised me complete bed rest, and I was given muscle relaxants to ease uterine muscles that had pushed the baby down early. Besides, I had to take steroid shots for rapid lung development as there were chances of a premature birth. We were prepared but kept hoping for the best. Once Rishi joked, “Shraddha don’t worry, our baby has Sindhi blood in him; he knows its cheaper to stay in his mother’s womb than to pay the rent at the Breach Candy NICU!”

THE SILVER LINING
Thanks to these complications my career had to take a backseat. On the positive side as we knew Krishnav will be arriving early, we started our preparations. I did a lot of reading while on rest. My physiotherapy books, medical journals and patient case files were replaced by mother and childcare books. Each morning began with a ‘to-do list for the day’. Rishi did all the running around for everything that we needed—right from clothes and toiletries to diapers, blankets, pillows, bottles, nursing clothes, diaper bags, to a crib and bath tub, he handled everything with fi nesse. The neighbourhood baby shop became his favourite hangout. He went there every morning and evening. In the morning,  he would go there to buy the things that I had put down on the list, and during the evenings, he would head there again to exchange all the wrong stuff that he picked! The traditional and customary things were taken care of by our parents and friends. They  were a huge support. In fact, we had everything ready about a month before Krishnav’s birth.

Still buoyant from the response to her film Sarbjit, Deepshikha Deshmukh, shares the highs and lows of  being a mum

BY RENU BHATNAGAR
PHOTOGRAPHS BY SHRUTI TEJWANI

HONEY Bhagnani, who is now known as Deepshikha, is married to the eldest Deshmukh scion (son of late Vilasrao Deshmukh) Though her first baby is her lifestyle store Honey Homes, Vansh, 2 and Diviyaana, 10 months followed soon and stole her heart. And then, there was Sarbjit that she produced with brother Jackky Bhagnani. She speaks to M&B about all this, and more…

BEING POSITIVE
During the winters of 2013, Deepshikha was miles away from home, in London when she missed her period. She recalls, “We were shooting for Humshakals on the outskirts of London. Dhiraj was in Germany for work when I did a home pregnancy test.

The moment I realised it was positive, I burst into tears, and gave him a call.” Dhiraj rushed to London immediately, and they confirmed the pregnancy. Married for a little less than two years, almost immediately, something changed for Deepshikha. She says, “You suddenly feel so responsible, and bid goodbye to the carefree attitude. But I was always very positive, and that helped. People say you shouldn’t shop for the first three months, but I knew my child would be safe and healthy; and I started planning the shopping right then and there.”

ALWAYS A FIRST TIME
Deepshikha and Dhiraj were like any first-time parents-to-be—groping in the dark and confused as hell. That’s when the to-be mum took to pregnancy books and online surfing. “I was already in love with the baby before he was born. When there’s your husband holding your hand and you see that tiny little heart beating on the sonologist’s screen, and the little fingers moving, how can you not fall in love?” Soon, she was talking and singing to the bump, and finally, the baby responded. “I loved it when he  moved. I did a lot of Raga Todi to calm my emotions since I believe that they do percolate into the womb. Dr Shankar’s Times App for pregnancy and baby gave me a monthly hour by hour routine that I listened to. Every time the music came on, I would feel Vansh kick. It was a beautiful experience.”

“I thought I was fully prepared,” says Deepshikha about having the baby. “That is until the doctor informed us that the baby would have to be delivered via a C-section because the umbilical cord was around his neck, and there was fear asphyxiation.” Under the care of Dr Ranjana Dhanu, Deepshikha was wheeled into Lilavati hospital’s operation theatre. “I was terrifi ed and confused because I didn’t know what I was getting into.” Her eyes turn moist as she recalls, “When the baby came out and I heard the first cry, I experienced a love that I didn’t know I was ever capable of. It was like an explosion of emotions.” Gulping down her tears, she whispers, “I think Vansh gave birth to a mother. I’ve never felt that kind of love for anyone before.”

At 33, Poornima Kartik Iyer discovered the sweet and sour taste of motherhood. She talks about how when she finds herself taking a tumble, son Kiaan keeps her steady on her toes!

VISUALS AKSHAY KULKARNI
HAIR & MAKEUP SACHIN GATHE

A PLANNED PREGNANCY JOURNEY
I joined the M&B team before the first issue was launched. I had enough access to our UK archives to get a gist of what goes on in the world of mothers and babies. My journey with the magazine taught me a lot. M&B is and has always been such a fun and informative guide for parents to be and parents of newborns and toddlers.

So after I left M&B a couple of years later, I was pretty sure that I was armed with enough information to charge ahead and conquer motherhood. Well, if only it were that simple! During one of my assignments, I met Dr Geetanjali Shah, an M&B panel expert who managed the Ashvini Hospital at Mumbai, along with her gynaecologist husband. The couple also conducted preconception counselling. I was interviewing Dr Geetanjali for a story on fertility, and as we got talking, she said, “Pregnancy should be by choice, not by accident.” Those words made an impression on my mind and I uttered the same to my husband when we spoke of having kids. Hmmm, you can take the gal out of M&B but you can never take M&B out of the gal…

After three years of marriage, we decided it was time to take the plunge. We consulted a gynaecologist, got all the necessary tests done, timed the ovulation like clockwork and voilà! We were pregnant and it was by choice!

Now the first trimester wasn’t the best time of my life. No, I had no nausea but I was lethargic to the core. I am sure I could have beaten a sloth to it any day. I wasn’t allowed to move around much, thanks to a hyper husband who ‘wasn’t going to take any chances’. I, for one, couldn’t accept this restricted situation but what choice did I have? It felt like the burden of a ton of bricks was on my back each time I tried to get on my feet  And then the second trimester dawned on me. Oh, the sunny side was up and now I was a completely new person. I was bright and cheery, more active and lively. The bump was sprouting and  I was super excited. The husband made up for the three month constraint by whisking me off to Bali for a babymoon. A relaxed holiday is just what I needed and spa, shopping and uncontrolled feasting made up for the hot and humid Bali weather!

The second trimester was also a super special time as I had two baby showers— one was a traditional valaikappu and the other a surprise shower hosted by my sister Smita, who got together with my friends and planned every detail— decorations, food and games. Both were fun and I am thankful to my family for all the pampering.

I looked forward to my ultrasounds, and hearing the foetal heartbeat always gave me goosebumps. The baby was as pumped up as I was 😉 The third trimester was a breeze and now it all came down to waiting for D day. So while I was waiting, I continued with prenatal yoga and some R&R (reading & research).

I had the pregnancy app on my phone to count the kicks and I would note down every query before the next doctor’s appointment. I read Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth to prepare myself for a spiritual vaginal delivery. I chanted positive hypnobirthing affirmations and listened to calm and soothing music, telling myself I was