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Features

Me, myself & my son

October 7, 2019 by Kriselle Fonseca Leave a Comment

Me, myself & my son

Mumbai-based dentist Shibani Kumar is a single mum and has no qualms about it either. “It truly is not the end of the world,” she says. Despite a tumultous split from her then husband, she believes it worked out for the better, for both herself and her son Shlok


Visuals by Akshay Kulkarni
Hair & Makeup by Sachin Gathe

We were dating for nearly a year when we decided to take our relationship to the next level. I was thrilled that things were working out exactly how I’d imagined. I’d met a great guy from a great family, my career was on track, and my parents were happy. What more could I have wanted? We had a big, fat South Indian wedding and I couldn’t have been happier. By the time our first anniversary approached, I was already four months pregnant. And that’s when things began to go south.

My then husband had just joined a new job. He started being a little distant, and I guessed it was probably the pressure of a new job, coupled with being a new dad that made him act that way. Our conversations were kept to the bare minimum. I craved the comfort and affection that everybody does during their pregnancy. To top that, I was diagnosed with hyperemesis which left me perennially exhausted—I was throwing up the whole day almost! So I sought solace in the one person who’s stood by me through thick and thin—my mother. 

I think somewhere, the strain of our relationship took its toll on me majorly, and my son arrived almost four weeks prior to my due date. My beautiful, healthy baby boy had changed my life. Those initial few months were the toughest. Breastfeeding, mastitis, sleepless nights and a colicky baby—all of it was slowly getting to me. I felt like he was trying, but somehow he wasn’t around as much as I would’ve liked him to be. So I spent most of my time at my parents house where I had all the help I needed, and could easily catch a break.

A year into Shlok’s life with us, things had somewhat improved. Or so I thought. But I still found him very distracted. He was constantly on his phone, and soon enough, people around us began to notice this disconnect. My best friends urged me to talk to him, but when I did, he always blamed his work pressure—targets, meetings, and what not. I believed him. 

By then, I’d pretty much got into the groove of doing things for Shlok by myself. Communication between us, eventually, was next to nothing, and every time I tried to bring it up, it was brushed aside. Internally, I’d never felt more lonely. The guilt of bringing a child into an unhappy marriage was crippling. My parents could see my health slowly deteriorating whenever they video called me. I was so afraid to let them down so I thought “making it work” was my only option.

When I finally learnt that there was someone else involved, that was the final nail in the coffin. I decided to take a stand for myself and my child. Nobody deserved to be treated this way. And I didn’t want to raise my son around his toxic behaviour anymore—we both deserved better. I weighed the pros & cons of both—working through my marriage and ending it, repeatedly. I wanted to be a 110% sure I was doing the right thing. It’s never an easy decision to end a marriage, but there are few things you just shouldn’t have to compromise on, as an individual and especially as a parent. Divorce was something that had always petrified me, and more so about how my parents would react to it when I’d tell them that I wanted and needed to get out of this. But they whole heartedly supported my decision.

I think my parents knew and understood why this was important for me to do, and stood by me like they’ve always done. Knowing they’ve got my back, I knew I could do this. The uncertainty of bringing up a child alone was terrifying, but my son was my strength. I imagined a certain kind of life for the both of us, and that was exactly what I was going to work hard for—to raise him into a strong, kind and honest human being was and will always be my only priority. I’m blessed to have some amazing people in my corner, my friends, my fellow mum-friends who, I think are my true soulmates—they’ve always pepped me up and supported me when I needed most.

Although I didn’t face any backlash as such, there was definitely a lot of ‘think-about-your-child-before-you-do-this’ talk directed at me. I wish people understood that I am always, always thinking about my child only. I must admit, it was hurtful when relatives would ask me to reconcile for Shlok’s sake, despite knowing it would mean going back to a toxic relationship. There have been situations, even now, after all said and done, that people have asked me to rethink my decision. Dealing with such situations can get frustrating. Luckily for me, my parents never felt the need to pressure me on those lines and stood by my decision since day one. And theirs was the only opinion that actually mattered to me.

Being a single mum is literally starting from scratch, and just the idea of it can be scary. You have this newfound sense of freedom again, but at the same time, your responsibilities double as a parent. In my case, I was getting back to work after four years, and often worried about how I’d juggle starting over in my career, and helping Shlok adjust to this big change. But again, I have the best support system in my family and friends. Everything, sort of, just fell into place, very slowly. To be honest, I don’t think anything can prepare you for life after divorce, especially with a child in the picture too, but you’ve been through so much by then, emotionally and mentally, there’s nothing that can deter you. You just have to power through the tough times.

I think I’ve been fortunate enough to not go through anything blatant, yet. But I’ve been worried about school admissions, because the general word seems to be that single parents don’t have it easy but I’m hoping that’s not the case. It also gets slightly daunting when I have to attend functions that involve either of the parents or both together—that’s when it probably stings, but I think with time, it stops affecting you as much.

Fortunately, Shlok hasn’t started questioning me about his dad yet, and it’s something I genuinely dread having to face. But I intend to be completely honest and transparent about things when he’s old enough to understand. I’d be open to answering any questions he may have because he does have every right to know about what exactly happened, and I would never want him to feel responsible in any way. I’m hoping he understands why it was necessary, and why it was probably the best thing to happen to both him and me.

Starting over is probably the most daunting thought you could have, especially when you are responsible for another person too, but, no matter how lonely and isolated you may feel, you’re never alone. There is always help available. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek it. I know it’s not easy to walk away from a marriage, but being stuck in an unhappy or abusive relationship for the sake of your children will cause them more harm than good. Reach out to people, therapists,
counselors—there are many resources available to help and guide you. It’s never too late to start over and it most definitely isn’t the end of the world. 

Be brave and do whatever it takes to safeguard your child’s and your well-being. It hasn’t been easy for me honestly, and I miss the extra set of hands on some days. That’s when you need to remind yourself—you’ve been through so much already, and here you are, still standing strong. It’s enough to instill belief in yourself that there’s nothing you cannot overcome, and you’ll get through this too!  

Filed Under: Features, Life&Kids, Special Features Tagged With: single mom

M&B Promotions: Japan’s best diaper, Merries.

July 14, 2019 by Manoj Salvi Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Shopping List, Uncategorized

How to provide emotional security to your li’l one

June 26, 2019 by Dr. Indira Mallya Leave a Comment

How to provide emotional security to your li’l one

It goes without saying that a mum has a big hand in promoting emotional stability in her child. Her timely guidance and interventions will lay a sound emotional base, on which her child will build a future, and foster social and inter personal relationships.

Emotional security for young children is to feel loved and cared for, which begins at home through parental love and protection. Daily interactions with people in their surroundings helps to lay a foundation for social and emotional experiences they will have in their lives. Here you’ll find select guidelines to do so – Illustrative examples herein will centre around toddlers in the age group of 15 to 28 months, and can also be applied up to preschool age.

By 28 months, a child develops many sensory and motor skills along with some rudimentary language skills. He uses physical skills more than language skills while interacting with others. If left to himself, he goes to extremes when expressing his emotional state. For instance, when deprived of his favourite toy by a peer, he may kick, pull hair, or scream and cry loudly to demand his toy back from the other child.

With growing maturity, the young child learns to negotiate and strategise his emotional transactions with guidance from his mum. Hence, it is important for mums to offer timely help and intervention if she is to guide and steer the child towards positive interpersonal behaviours.

Toddler-centred perspective

  • Your li’l one is in the process of developing simple language skills, therefore, he is likely to take the physically robust route to express his emotional state at a given moment of time. For instance, he may resort to behaviours such as shouting and hitting, or throwing a huge tantrum, for not being allowed to play during his bedtime.
  • Due to a strong emotional bond between the two of you, he trusts you as well as depends on you to protect him from fearful and unknown situations, or from stranger anxiety, which he finds hard to handle. So, if you appoint a new nanny to take care of him in your absence, make sure you are physically present for the initial few days in the house till your child gets used to the this new person.
  • He also needs your help to lay a solid foundation of positive interactional skills with others and be emotionally secured at the same time. This will enable him to secure future healthy relationships and maintain them.
  • Initially, your child models on your behaviour. Therefore, be a consistently good model for him. Like, demonstrating calmness in handling difficult situations or any confrontations with your child.

Mums, listen up!

  • Follow a fixed time table to set a daily routine for your child. A sudden change in routine will unsettle him, and make him cranky.
  • Follow through on what you have told your child, to promote trust and demonstrate your love for him.
  • Avoid airing differences or conflicts with other adults, in front of your child as it will scare him.
  • Teach your child self help skills such as toilet training or brushing teeth, when he is emotionally ready. Otherwise it will prove to be counter productive – too much pressure may invite failures and avoidance of the task at hand.
  • Whenever your child gets agitated, let him cuddle his favourite soft toy to calm him down.

Otherwise, let him play regularly with different types of play materials, toys and equipments to promote his sensory and motor skills as well as to vent out his extra or pent up energies.

  • When your child indulges in misdeeds, refrain from scolding him. Instead, ask him to tell you why he was indulging in a that particular activity. Encourage him to own up and tell the truth.
  • Give your child a big hug or pat him lovingly now and then, to make him feel loved and secure.
  • Find ways to be occupied with what makes you happy and feel worthy of yourself. Positive outcomes will eventually rub off on your child.

In case you find it difficult to handle your li’l one’s extreme behaviours, consult with an expert to reach solutions that best suit you and your child.

Filed Under: Baby&Toddler, Features Tagged With: emotional security

Baby shower ideas for every budget

March 6, 2018 by Sania Dhirwani 1 Comment

Baby shower ideas for every budget

There’s a downpour of blessings and you can’t wait to welcome your bundle of joy into this world. But, before you do, you’re probably stumped with just how to ring in the celebrations. Don’t worry, we have you covered. Here are some trending shower ideas that fits a theme, and more importantly, won’t necessarily burn a hole in your pocket.

Time honored traditions

A traditional baby shower or godh bharai, as popularly called in India, is a ceremony that is celebrated to shower blessings to the mum-to-be. Along with the blessings, it is a joyous occasion where close relatives and friends come together to celebrate the new life that is about to be brought into this world. Godh bharai quite literally means ‘filling the lap’ of the expectant mother with abundance and joy, and is usually celebrated in the seventh month of pregnancy.

GAMES:

To make the function fun and exciting, you can indulge guests with some games to keep them entertained. For example, your guests could guess the girth of the mother’s belly with the help of a ribbon. The closest match can be announced as the winner. Another game could be to remember the baby items passed around in a tray. Simple games like passing the parcel and musical chairs can also add loads of fun to ceremony.

DECORATION:
Karishman Gowani, owner of Millk, Mumbai, says, “The classic godh bharai has its own charm with traditional hand-crafted lamp shades and jhula (swing) for the mum-to-be.” You can decorate the jhula with cute baby products or just go with the classic floral decoration. Make sure the jhula has a proper backrest for the mother and this is where the traditional puja can also be done, where everyone could bless the mother and the baby. Another exciting way to do up the place is by placing childhood pictures of the expectant parents all over the walls. They will be overwhelmed. You could also use a mother’s favourite toys, books or clothes from her childhood to decorate the venue.

PARTY FAVOURS:
As a token of remembrance, providing your guests with a souvenir would be a nice gesture. You can get some dupattas and bangles for the women, as this is something everyone likes to wear. You could set up a photo booth where all the guests get an opportunity to be clicked with the mum-to-be. Towards the end of the ceremony, guests could collect the pictures along with a decorative frame. They can cherish this memory forever.

Get ready to set sail with your guests and have a contemporary, yet chic baby shower. The nautical theme seems to be everyone’s favourite and is a huge hit with every first-time mother. The reason is its classic red, navy blue and white colour scheme. Make a customised anchor-shaped invitation that will welcome everyone aboard. 

GAMES: Afra Kochra, co-owner, Kiddiegram, says, “For the games, you can use the following ideas like, change a doll’s diaper blindfolded in the shortest time, memory game with baby items, decorating bibs and message in a bottle where you get the guests to put in some useful advice in the bottle for the mum-to-be.”

FOOD:
Food plays a major role in any celebration. Always decide the menu based on the theme chosen for a particular occasion. Afra further adds, “There are a lot of snacks that you can serve adhering to the theme. For example, potato boats, sea shell pasta, fish n chips, seaweed dip, submarine sandwiches and seamosas, are just some options.”

PARTY FAVOURS:
Some options for party favours could be: Afra says, “We gave out bottles of shower gel with the caption, ‘From our shower to yours.’ Other options include, anchor-shaped cookies, bath sea salts packed in glass bottles or scented soaps shaped as starfish or other underwater creatures.

DECORATION:
A nautical baby shower theme offers personalised banners, table decorations in the same navy blue and red colours, as the invitation. You can have the signature anchor decoration all around the place. On the table you can place personalised placemats and candy centerpieces. Custom, colourful ceiling decorations will accentuate the place and highlight the theme.

Ritika Nangia, founder, Funcart.in, says, “For an afternoon and evening filled with elegance, laughter and understated glamour, Vintage is the perfect theme. A vintage-themed garden party is easy to plan and has an unparalleled charm, with minimal preparation.” Going vintage means an elegant affair with the perfect décor, food, favours and games, well within your budget.

GAMES:
Ritika suggests, “You can add a twist to the vintage games like baby shower bingo, a hula hoop contest or pin the diaper on the baby are some of the delightfully nostalgic games that will zing up your vintage garden party.”

FOOD:
Afra suggests, “Since it’s hi-tea, you would not be required to serve lunch or dinner but rather evening snacks. In this case cocktail, bite-sized dishes would be appropriate. For example cucumber sandwiches, scones, cheese platters or individual servings of assorted desserts like profiteroles, cookies or mini cupcakes. You could have a DIY tea or coffee station where the guests could prepare a hot beverage they’d like to sip on.”

PARTY FAVOURS:
“Some options are Vintage-themed lace punched gift tags, leather luggage tags, personalized calligraphy notes, handmade chocolates and exotic teas are some of the great ideas to pamper guests and help them remember your soiree for a long time to come,” says Nikita. Other return gift items according to Afra are, scented candles, pot pourri pouches and marmalade packed in mason jars.

DECORATION:

Ritika explains, “With a few well-placed props and décor items, the party can be a great success without burning a hole in your pocket. Items like vintage tableware, teacups and linen can easily be procured at a low cost from a local thrift shop or online shopping portals.” Vintage doesn’t necessarily mean decking up the location with pastels. Ritika advises that colours like turquoise and red can also be great options. To lay out the food, you can display a shabby chic table, sidetable or even a dresser. She further adds, “A vintage telephone, a leather suitcase or a gramophone are some inexpensive ways to create the illusion of a vintage affair.”

Beach bums

Another theme that is popular among the masses is the Beach Baby shower theme. With this particular theme you can experiment a lot with the colours and décor. It will certainly enliven the joyous occasion. Karishma enthusiastically says, “Beach baby shower is my personal favourite. The combination of teal, gold and white colours make the place look vibrant and extravagant.”

GAMES:
Some game options Karishma suggests are, a beach bag filled with baby products for a sensory game, make a doll ready for a beach party in under a minute and fill in coconut water in milk bottles and find out who finishes first. These games will certainly turn the heat up at your gathering. The best part is that all your family and friends would be rather excited to participate in these games.

FOOD:
Karishma suggests, “Jelly fish and starfish shaped sandwiches, cocktail umbrellas pinned over cupcakes or fruit tarts, non-alcoholic jello shots, coconut water and watermelon popsicles to beat the heat are some of the ideas that you can look through.”

PARTY FAVOURS:
A wooden crate filled sunglasses, striped hand towels, mini treasure chest filled with chocolate gold coins, shell or jelly candles, garlands and floral tiaras can make for some interesting giveaway options. The budget for the party favours can be above `350.

DECORATION:
This theme is ideal for both indoor as well as outdoors. You can add elements of dream catchers, fishing nets, shells, beach photo booth, props like sunglasses and hats. Karishma says, “Lifesized surf board titled ‘Baby On Board’ along with a vintage barrel and tree trunk labelled with the name of mum-to-be painted on it.” She further adds, “As you enter, a backdrop of a beach will be propped up for selfies to save memories forever. Tables will be lined with fish nets and shells as well as mason jars filled with summer flowers. Decorative includes colourful jellyfish, dream catchers and seaweed hanging from the ceiling.”

 


 

Filed Under: Cover Plus, Features

Get Inspired: 2017 Décor Trends

October 4, 2017 by Sania Dhirwani Leave a Comment

Get Inspired: 2017 Décor Trends

The festive season is usually filled with a whole lot of love, laughter and excitement. To get you in the festive mood, we think a bit of change is in order? And what better time than now, to redecorate? We bring you the latest trends in home décor, particularly when it comes to the comfort of your little one’s personal spaces. Read on to know more

 

FURNITURE

Latest Trends
When selecting furniture for your kids bedroom, it is essential to make sure you buy safe, sustainable and high-quality products. Choose furniture that will grow with your baby. Mumbaibased independent interior designer, Ayushi Kanodia, says, “Functionality as well as longevity when selecting the furniture should be a priority. Elements of imagination and fun should be a part of their room. Parents also constantly worry about the kids growing out of the furniture. Hence, having the right balance between fantasy and functionality is what is trending these days.”

Select furniture based on the theme of your kid’s bedroom. Founder and creative director, StudioCREO, Parushni Aggarwal, says, “Do you wish to keep the room playful or want to give it a dreamy outlook? For every theme, an array of furniture is available for children. And they are available in bold and contrasting colour choices. A bed bunk is an all-time kid’s favourite. Couple that with comfortable bedding and a monogrammed or striped headboard and you’re good to go.”

Safety
No parents would ever want to compromise on their child’s safety. Children often run around the house and are active throughout the day. They tend to spend quality time in their room, hence, it is important that the furniture is not sharp-edged. Ayushi says, “This is a first priority when designing a kid’s room. Having furniture edges rounded and smoothened should be the way to go. Besides that, consider using water-resistant wood and inflammable laminates.”

Budget
Invest wisely! As your children grow, their understanding and demands will increase. They will start making a call as to what they would like in their own room. So while they are young, make their room child-friendly as well as budget-friendly. Designer and director, Peek-a-boo Patterns, Garima Agarwal, says, “With the DIY trend taking up a big place in interiors, parents have become creative. This has enabled them to go easy on the pockets too. The overall expenditure has been variant as there is demand for both premium and basics.  At the same time, the range has been wide enough so designers are carefully selecting some accessories that are fun but not expensive along with high-priced units, for example, wardrobes.”

Keep In Mind
● Furniture should be functional and ergonomically designed.  For example, a study table should be at the right height.
● For storage pieces, practicality plays an important role. This would make the room clutter free.
● Parushni says, “Make sure your interior designer has met your kids and have spent considerable time with them to understand their needs. It’s foremost to integrate kid’s room with the interiors commensurate to their personality.”
● A fun piece of add-on furniture is a rocking chair personalised with your little one’s initials.

FURNISHINGS

Latest Trends
Furnishings have become the most important accessory while designing a child’s space. They are a great way to add a dose of texture and colour to a kids room. “This is because the theme can be created by using thematic furnishings like curtains and bedding. They are like icing on the cake—helps in giving a visual appeal to the room,” says Garima. According to one of the founders of My Baby Babbles, Mithila Chirawawala, “One of the biggest trends right now are play tents and play mats which encourage a creative hideaway— a place for your kids to call their own. Add this to a playroom or den and let your child’s  imagination run wild.”

Talking about another trend that is here to stay is personalisation. Mithila further adds, “You can never go wrong with adding fun, personalised accents across a kid’s room. Spell out your kid’s name with attention-grabbing, alphabetshaped cushions in bright fabrics or coloured wooden letters. A name plaque at the entrance door, a pretty wall clock or a funshaped cork board will add charm and personality in your little ones space.” Experimenting with different materials like denims for blinds is also a big hit.

Safety
A kid’s room is susceptible to having paints, colours and pencil marks on different things, especially on furnishings. Hence, Ayushi advises purchasing furnishings that are machinewashable without fading out.

She further adds, “In terms of bedsheets, one can go for the anti-bacterial one which will safeguard your kid from rashes.” “Usage of organic fabrics and natural dyes are in vogue. These are safe for a child’s sensitive skin. Easy maintenance fabrics take frequent washes—that helps in maintaining your child’s hygiene,” says Garima.

Budget
Ayushi advises, “It wouldn’t be wise to spend a lot on furnishings in a kid’s room since we know that at some point there will be crayon or paint stains. Hence, opting for rough and tough materials that is machine-washable should be the way to go.” Have an array on display in your child’s room. From bedding and cushions to rugs and fancy clocks, you can get creative. Despite having one too many items, try not to splurge.

Keep In Mind
● A good window treatment is important to complete the look of the room. The colours of the curtains have to be co-ordinated mainly with the walls.
● It is important that all the paraphernalia of the interior is organised well.
● Parushni says, “Space organisation is a key aspect. Kids usually have a lot of stuff scattered around. Look out for  spaces where you can make room for their essentials. They love when there’s space available for them to wander.”
● A toy shelf or bookshelf just above their bed can meet their discerning demands.
● Experiment with lights, incorporate rugs or carpets to enrich dull floors. Also, you can furnish with interesting tiles for a more colourful outlook..

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Filed Under: Cover Plus, Features

How to tackle that preschool interview

June 8, 2017 by Sanjay Awad Leave a Comment

How to tackle that preschool interview

In this fast-paced world, as most of us have come to realise, it’s make or break. But if you think that you’re only expected to establish yourselves as adults, think again. Today, even children need to prove their caliber when it comes to securing an admission in that sought-after preschool. Of course, it’s only natural that as parents, you want the best for your child. And unfortunately, the key to success is perhaps the first most important thing yout toddler will be expected to do—tackle that preschool interview. Naturally, this spells panic and stress for parents causing them to put undue pressure on their children. However, there are ways around it. M&B brings you a few tips and tricks to effectively prepare both you and your child for thatlife-changing interview

BY SANIA DHIRWANI

What to do before the interview:

Before you can think of what’s going to happen at the interview, it helps to mentally prepare yourself, and your child before hand. This means, don’t overthink things and have a game plan!

Effective Communication
First and foremost, parents should keep in mind that while preparing their child for the interview, they need to be extremely patient so as to not end up making the child fear the interview. Tasneem Mesiwala, director, Serra International Preschool and Childcare, says, “General conversation skills is the key to appearing for an interview. People usually underestimate the confi dence-building aspects just a meaningful conversation can have. If a child indulges in open, stimulating conversations right from birth, have a general chat during an interview will be second nature.” She further adds, “Moreover, the more you  allow your child to explore and interact with other kids and even adults, whether at a park, market or even restaurants, the better their communications skills and confidence will be.” Ease your child into thing. Pressurising him to do something will only backfi re as he’s likely to lose confidence.

Do Your Homework
Meet the director before hand and understand what the school requires your child to know. Tasneem says, “A good school curriculum will include all the basic concepts a child must know in his growing years. Colours, shapes, alphabet, numbers, animals, days, months, etc., are some of the basic concepts.” She also adds, “Younger children may be asked to play with other children during the interview, so parents should be prepared to inform their child ahead of time.”

Confi dence Boosters
It is essential for your child to understand that his parents or guardian will not be around for a few hours when he is away at school. The child needs to be mentally prepared. Tasneem advises, “A great way to ensure your child dosn’t lose his nerve, or confi dence is by familiarising him with his surroundings. If possible, take your child to the preschool you want to enroll him in, and show him around. A visit to the school once or twice before the interview, combined with a restful night’s sleep before the interview, will be favourable for a positive session.”

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Filed Under: Cover Plus, Features

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