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A job, babies and life, how do working mothers manage it all? Reshma O Pathare speaks to some of them to find out..

THERE is no tougher job than being a mum. Life is never the same again after that tiny little being enters your life. Sleep deprivation, erratic timings with sometimes having no time for even a pee-break and zero inclination to even think of looking half as groomed as earlier – these are just some of the thousand ways in which a woman’s life changes when she becomes a mother. What then must be the state of those mums who need to go back to work after a short maternity leave? In India, a woman gets an average of 12 weeks as maternity leave; half of which she is expected to take before her delivery. Safe to say, most women need to go back to work leaving behind an infant who is barely two to three months. While the time frame differs in keeping with different policies of different organisations, more or less a woman needs to get back to her job by the time her baby barely completes six months of age. Leaving behind such a small baby and being able to contribute optimally at work without letting nagging worries about the baby bog her, is no cakewalk for any mother. So, how then do they manage this tight-rope walk? M&B spoke to four mums who have accomplished this feat and got them to share their mantra for success:

SHEETAL RAY 31, media and communications professional from Mumbai . Mum to Zidan, 9 months Got back to work when Zidan was 6 months

Managing breastfeeding “My work place is not too far from home. So I express breastmilk with an electric pump, and make one visit in the afternoon to feed him again. Zidan has just turned 9 months, so I feed him in the morning, express one feed for the afternoon, and then feed him directly at the night.”

Support system “I live with my in laws, so I get a lot of help from my mum-in-law. People in office are also supportive, but work is work and it does get difficult if I can’t reach offi ce on time, or I need to extend
my working hours. That is the challenge of being a working mother. But I am able to balance things out with the help of supportive colleagues.”

Guilt pangs
“Oh I suffer from a lot of guilt, even though it’s been three months since I resumed work, and know that he is in safe hands. I feel especially bad when Zidan clings to me when I am home, or when he cries because of delays at work. My family members give him all the comfort he needs, but I sill feeling guilty for not being there for him.”

Separation anxiety
“I strongly feel that it is not right for a mother to leave a small child alone. No one can take care of a baby as well as the mother. But in this day and age, we women have to take into consideration our careers and income opportunities in order to be able to provide a better life to our children. It’s therefore best to equip the child to deal with the separation anxiety by reassuring him of your presence, and by balancing work and home.”

Working around work
“Frankly, my dedication to work has taken a beating. Earlier, I was never in a hurry to go home, but now once I am done, I don’t think of doing extra work. Of course, I complete what I have undertaken, but I fi nd myself refraining from taking initiative and suggesting something new. Before Zidan, I never hesitated to work on holidays but these days if I have to work on holidays even from home I am frustrated.”

Mommy mantra
“The biggest challenge is to be a good mother who takes care of her child’s diet, growth, medicines etc, as well as to be a good employee who does her work immaculately. It is really tough to balance both, but I plan my day well. I have divided all his medicines in ‘morning-evening’ segments. I am also in the process of very slowly weaning him off breastmilk, and introducing him to new foods. Once I am back from work, I spend at least an hour with Zidan fi rst, and then occupy myself with other household work. I also avoid arranging meetings late in the evening, or very early in the morning.

SHAMLI SAKHARE CHRISTOPHER
35, architect from Bengaluru. Mum to Svara, 10 months Got back to work when Svara was 8 months

Managing breastfeeding
“My daughter started on solids by the time I resumed work, so that took a lot of load off me. I know that breastfeeding is the best source of nutrition for a baby, and I plan to continue breastfeeding Svara until she completes 15 months.”

Support system
“My partner and I believe in equal parenting. We consciously make an effort to adjust our professional responsibilities around our child. Besides, my mother-in-law is a huge support. She likes spending time with her granddaughter, and comes to my house during the day to supervise the nanny. Since I have my own architectural practice, my work timings are fl exible. My business partner also had a baby around the same time, so we understand the importance of giving each other space and fl exibility to fulfi l our motherly responsibilities.”

Guilt pangs
“I don’t feel guilty because I know that either my partner or mum-in-law is taking care of my daughter. However, I turn slightly anxious when I’m delayed at work because of an extended meeting or site visit. This may be because I have programmed myself to not see her during my standard work time.”

Separation anxiety
“I’m not sure if my daughter suffered from separation anxiety. In fact, I passed through that stage myself when I resumed work. This is a constant emotional struggle between the mother and her child. Maybe, at some point, we too will face this challenge.”

Working around work
“I don’t know if I’ve managed to balance work and baby, but I’m happy that I have enough time to spend with my daughter before and after work. At the same time, I am professionally driven, and have always made sure that I deliver to my clients what we have agreed upon.”

Mommy mantra
“The main challenge is in being a mother. It’s a never-ending responsibility. I’m yet to figure out if there’s a mantra at all. Motherhood is a continuous process; there are new challenges and new milestones every day. You just have to take it one day at a time.”

Your growing belly is a sign your baby is happy and healthy. Here are six ways to show love to your bump

NATURALLY, some of you may not be feeling ‘bumptastic’ at the moment. That belly gets in the way of sex, stops you seeing your feet and weighs a tonne, doesn’t it?

But your blossoming tummy is doing an amazing thing as it stretches to accommodate your growing baby. So, rather than feeling like a beached whale, discover ways to enjoy your bump and give it the TLC it deserves.

SKIN DEEP
If your bump gets itchy as the skin stretches, there are ways to tackle it. “Dry, itchy skin can be relieved by using a plain moisturiser regularly through the day,” advises Anitaa Punjwani, mum to Anais, three months. “My doctor prescribed a special bath oil that did the trick,” she remembers. If you’re seriously itchy tell your gynac, as very occasionally it can be a symptom of an underlying liverm disorder, obstetric cholestasis. When it comes to the dreaded stretchmarks, unfortunately whether you get them or not is simply down to genetics and how big your bump gets. There’s little hard science to show that anything defi nitely works to prevent them, although moisturising creams will make the skin look and feel smoother. Most stretchmarks do improve with time. Eating healthily will help you avoid excess weight gain that can increase your chances of getting stretchmarks, while drinking lots of water will keep your skin hydrated and smoother looking. “I put cocoa butter all over my tummy. I did get some stretchmarks but they faded very quickly,” says Christine Braganza from Mumbai, mum to sevenmonth- old Joshua.

 

DRESS IT UP!
“Being free from all the pressures about how women are ‘supposed’ to look is great,” says Jhanavi Kapoor, from Bengaluru, who’s 26 weeks pregnant. If you’re battling morning sickness or are simply pooped, it’s easy just to throw on anything that still fits. But  treating yourself to some fashionable maternity wear can be a real boost too. “Getting bigger during your pregnancy is inevitable, so embrace it and make the most of the beautiful clothes around these days,” advises Girija Sampat from Pune. What better excuse to check out the maternity ranges?

 

 

 

BOND, BABY, BOND
Take time out to think about what’s going on inside your bump. When your gynac examines your abdomen, ask her to explain how your baby is lying. That will help you visualise your baby and what she’s up to. By 24 weeks your baby’s ears are complete and she’ll soon recognise your voice. So read to your bump, tell her about your day – anything to make you feel closer and more connected to what’s going on in there.

“I used to be exhausted when I came in from work, so I’d put my feet up and  use it as a chance to chill and think about what my baby was up to inside,” says Nicole Mistry from Mumbai, mum to nine-day-old Jehaan.

 

Pregnancy and birth aren’t what they used to be. We asked Dr Meenakshi Ahuja, gynaecologist, Apollo Cradle, Bengaluru to explain new and improved advice that you’ll benefit from

BY SAHANA BHANDARI

1)  EXERCISE TO PREVENT DEPRESSION
Studies show that exercise during pregnancy may enhance the quality of life and well-being, improve self-image and fi tness, prevent excessive maternal weight gain, low back pain, as well as decrease the risk of depression during pregnancy and postpartum.

“Hence, we urge would-be-mums to start exercising in early pregnancy. Regular exercise in the form of antenatal classes, pregnancy yoga, pilates are also encouraged. Earlier, would-be-mums were asked to rest as much as possible while now we advise you to exercise as it releases endorphins. These are happy hormones and generate a lot of positivity. The added energy, increased stamina and improved muscles gained from exercise also helps prepare your body for labour. It also makes women more confi dent in dealing with discomfort during pregnancy and labour, thus countering depression,” Dr Ahuja explains.

“We also advise healthy weight gain during pregnancy and intake of proteins, fruits and nuts,” she adds.

2). NATURAL BIRTHING IS THE BEST
Mothers and doctors have warmed up to natural births. “Because painrelieving drugs, including epidural injections, carry serious medical risks for you and the baby, and may leave you unable to play a role in your own care and that of your baby,” says Dr Ahuja.

Natural birthing actually helps the mum find her own ways of facilitating birth. The pain of the contractions becomes a guide for the labouring woman, encouraging the baby to settle in and move down the birth canal. When the pain is entirely removed labour is likely to slow down and become less efficient.

Dr Ahuja says that recovery is quicker after natural child birth and also gives a sense of achievement to a pregnant woman. “With excellent monitoring facilities available, it is safe for doctors to encourage natural childbirth too. Pain prepares you for the demands of motherhood hence natural births are encouraged now-a-days by more and more doctors.”

3). DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP
Very often most women feel they have no say in the care that is being provided. But you can speak up! You have the right to ask questions, to get those questions answered, and you have the right to say no. Don’t be afraid to be assertive while in the hospital. It’s easy to feel like you have lost control, that things are being done to you, but you have the right to be in control of your treatment. Also, be patient. Even with your husband, tell him exactly what you need. He can’t read your mind, and he wants something to do to help.

  4). CONFIDENCE IS THE KEY TO SAILING THROUGH YOUR BIRTH
Feeling more in control, believing more strongly in your capacity to cope and understanding the childbirth techniques helps to build your confi dence.

Dr Ahuja says, “However one should remember that confidence should be built up with knowledge and wisdom about how to deal with pregnancy. Talking frankly with your doctor can put you at ease. Approaching labour with a positive attitude can help you feel less pain, avoid c-sections and feel satisfi ed with your experience. Antenatal checkups are a confidence building exercise too as they confirm baby’s health. These visits also give you a chance to ask any questions and to talk about any issues that you are unsure about. Hence confidence building is mostly the responsibility  of the obstetrician and complete antenatal programme to guide the expectant mum towards her fitness, nutrition and well-being ensuring a smooth birthing process.”

5). DON’T GET INDUCED UNLESS YOU HAVE A MEDICAL REASON
The primary reason for an induction should be a medical one, such as gestational diabetes or high blood pressure in the mother.

“I would never advise induction on a purely arbitrary or mahurat basis. Not every induction ends with normal delivery and there should always be a medical indication for deciding that the baby is being delivered without a natural start to labour. Interfering with a natural process always leads to unnecessary interventions—including cesarean sections—that substantially increase health and safety risks for mum and baby,” she explains.

Inducing labour before 39 weeks can affect the development process of the baby as research shows, in the last weeks of pregnancy, every day counts for your baby’s development. So you should understand the reason for your induction. If your doctor says she wants to induce you, but you’re not clear on the reason, speak up. If there is no clear medical reason for your induction, you do have the right to refuse.

6). DON’T WORRY IF IT TAKES A WHILE TO BOND
Don’t feel guilty if you aren’t bonding with your baby right from the start. That’s totally okay. Parents think that they should instantly feel overwhelmed with love with their newborn and some people do feel that. But for others, these feeling grow slowly over the time as they come to know and care for their baby.

Like any other emotional relationship, developing a connection with your child can take time. The biological changes that you go through make bonding more likely, but it can still take awhile for you to begin to feel close. If it doesn’t happen in the first few weeks, be patient—it’s just part of the process of becoming attached. As you care for your new baby, you may find that your attachment grows. This relationship will have it’s own rhythms and pace of development. The timing will depend upon you and your baby; your experience of childbirth and your life circumstances have a lot to do with it as well. Remember that you’re showing love to your baby even when you don’t feel like it. When you care for your baby’s basics needs, that’s showing love. ■