Special Features

Every parent wants their child’s safety and as a mother you are doing everything you can at home to keep her safe and healthy.

But is your child truly secure when she’s out and about? Read on to know how you can ensure her well being when she’s outside…
Your little tot is growing up and so are your worries. You may have heard it on TV or read in newspapers about the harmful things being done to children or those who remain missing to this day. The very thought that there are people who are capable of harming innocent children must have sent shivers down your spine. So do you sometimes wish you could wrap your tot in your arms and protect her from every little danger? Rest assured, you are not alone. It is understandable that as a parent it is diffi cult to educate the child to be alert to possible dangers and at the same time encourage her to feel safe and confi dent in exploring her world. M&B tells you how…

SAFE AND SOUND
For a child, safety means physical, mental and emotional protection from the likely hazards. It is extremely important to provide a safe environment for the child during her developing years at home as well as outside. “A kid who is four or younger is extremely vulnerable and susceptible, especially to adults who have a devious design on them. Building a protective and loving surrounding around her helps her to grow, survive, learn and develop to her fullest potential,” says Dr Sulata Shenoy, Child Psychologist and also Director at Turning Point, the centre for psychological therapies, assessment and counseling, Bengaluru. So as a parent, you need to be aware of the dangers, communicate with her and help her face the world with confi dence and self-assurance.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS
Stranger danger/abduction: Because children are very innocent, they are often misled and misused. First of all, it is important for you to defi ne ‘stranger’ to her. Before you make her understand who a stranger is, know that you don’t want to repress her friendly and outgoing nature nor do you want to frighten her by making her paranoid and scared by telling her horrifying details. All she needs to know is that a stranger is anyone to whom she has not been introduced by you. Tell her that she need not worry about strangers if she follows certain rules. Make it a rule for her to not to accept any kind of edible items or gifts or any such things from strangers. If such an incident occurs, make another mandatory rule of informing you about it. Teach her that under no circumstance should she go anywhere with a stranger unless you have told her that it’s okay to go with that person. You can also ask her to make a noise and get to a safe spot in case of emergency. Supervision at all times, by either you or a family member, is a good way to prevent such an unfortunate event.

Loss or separation: Getting lost in the crowd or sudden separation from the family can be quite traumatic on the child. “For her, almost everyone she meets is a stranger – the shopkeeper, vegetable vendor, doctors and nurses, bank manager, supermarket employees, etc. As long as you are there, she is safe to talk to anyone she meets. If you are not there or somehow she gets separated from you, then she will need help from a stranger. So how will a preschooler know whom to ask? Teach her to look out for people in uniform. This stranger can be a policeman or a security guard or a person in uniform at a kiosk. These are the people she can talk to if she is lost,” advises Dr Shenoy. She also suggests that holding her hands or keeping a close eye on her in crowded places are some of the measures that will ensure her safety.

Paedophilic behaviour: Paedophiles obtain their sexual gratifi cation from children. It is a known psychological perversion and is a compulsive behaviour. Because a paedophile looks and behaves no different from other adults, it is very diffi cult to identify one. “Talk to her about the ‘good touch’ and the ‘bad touch’ of the body parts (read our article on this in the same issue). Whether you use the words pee-pee or boobies or bum, be sure that she knows that the parts under the armpits and above the thighs are private parts,” says Dr Shenoy. She needs to be informed that safe touching of these parts by a doctor or a nurse when you or daddy take her to the doctor’s offi ce or when you are giving her a bath are okay. But if someone else wants to touch her private parts, then that is an ‘unsafe’ touch, no matter if the person is being nice, if the person gives her candy or a gift or even if the person threatens to hurt her or asks her to keep it a secret. Dr Shenoy further adds, “Also, tell her she should not see or touch anybody else’s private parts if the person asks her to. Whenever anyone tries to do ‘unsafe touching’ she should inform you as soon as she can after it happens so you can make sure it doesn’t happen again. And if you are not around for some reason, tell her the names of one or two other people she should tell about any ‘unsafe touching’.”

Danger from a person she knows (known predators): “Sadly, in a majority of cases, danger is from a person known to the child rather than a stranger. In such cases, because you know the person and also out of fear, the child might never reveal the name of the person or what the person did or said to her. Tell her that anything that bothers her should not have to be a secret. It is very necessary that she reports such incidents immediately to you. You must also explain her which adults are trustworthy. If you are not okay about leaving her with someone, don’t do it. You should leave her in the company of trusted adults only. A nanny-cam will help keep an eye on her caretaker when you both are at work. Always remember you should be be aware of the day-to-day activities of your child,” states Dr Shenoy.

Bullying: Bullying is an aggressive behaviour that is intentional and repetitive by one or more children against another. It can be physical like hitting or kicking or verbal like teasing or taunting. Bullying can have serious psychological consequences. It can make her anxious, fearful and, further more, she can lose her self-confi dence. According to Dr Shenoy, you must know about what is happening to her at play and at school where bullying most frequently occurs. Communication between you and her is the main key in preventing bullying. Make her understand who a bully is and how wrong bullying is. You should talk to her and ask her to report such incidents to a responsible adult around. “Ask her not to show anger or tears. Either calmly tell the bully to stop bullying or simply walk away. Avoiding bullies is the best recourse, if it is possible. Asking her to hit the bully back or ‘give it to him like he got it’ mostly results in the bully getting more aggressive. In severe cases, adults do need to step in if they feel the interaction is extreme rather than letting her handle things on her own,” informs Dr Shenoy. It is important
for kids to know that bullying is wrong and should be handled by an adult.

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ENVIRONMENTAL AND OTHER FACTORS
Parks and playgrounds: When you take her for outdoor playtime, know that even parks and playgrounds can be hazardous to her health. Here’s how…
* Mosquito bites: Mosquitoes are most prevalent in playgrounds and she can easily get bitten by one or many while she’s playing with her friends. Yes, we know you may say mosquito bites are common, but be aware that the hazards of mosquito bites – dengue and malaria – can be dangerous and life threatening. Paediatrician Dr Amita Phadnis, Director of Oyster & Pearl Hospitals, Pune, says, “You should make every effort to avoid mosquito bites. Make her wear long sleeves, long pants, socks and shoes so that her hands and legs are covered in clothing. When you take her to a park, apply mosquito repellent cream on her skin and carry it in your bag at all times. These measures will help minimise the risks of mosquito bites.”
* Ant bites: Ants are ubiquitous in parks… in the mud or on the grass. Children often get bitten by ants when they sit on the grass to rest or to have a snack after playing. Ant bites usually begin to disappear by the next day and do not require a doctor’s treatment. However, Dr Phadnis says that these bites can be painful and can cause reactions, swelling and itching. To relieve the itchiness that accompanies bites, apply a calamine lotion on that part of your child’s body. Do carry a soothing calamine lotion in your bag.
* Allergies to grass or pollen dust: Some tots are allergic to ordinary things in the environment like grass or pollen dust. If the allergic reaction is mild or moderate it can trigger skin rashes and swelling after touching grass. In case of severe reaction, if she is allergic to pollen dust, she can have an asthmatic attack, a severe attack of sneezing, diffi culty in breathing, noisy breathing and cough. “She should wear long sleeves and long trousers when sitting or playing in the grass. Give her a bath after playing outside, especially if she feels itchy. If you know that she has an allergic tendency, ask your doctor to prescribe an anti-allergic syrup and always carry it with you. Parents of tots with known asthma should always carry a prescribed inhaler with them. Seek the doctor’s help in case of emergency,” advises Dr Phadnis.
* Bee stings: Bee stings can cause severe reaction like itching and swelling among kids. Ask her to avoid scratching the site of the sting. Check with a doctor if she’s
allergic to bee stings. Multiple bee stings are more dangerous in children. If you are taking her outside, avoid dressing her up in bright coloured clothing or floral prints. Also, try and avoid fragrances or cosmetics with floral scents. Be on the look out for bees and remind her also to be watchful. Advise her to stay away from areas that have bees. An anti-histamine syrup and a soothing calamine lotion will be helpful in case of accidental bites.
* Playground equipment: The playground and park equipment like climbers, slides, swings, merry-go-rounds should be checked for safety. It can be rusted or broken which might cause serious injury to her. Dr Phadnis advises to check for any kind of sharp metallic piece sticking out of the equipments, pieces of glass or mirror or stones or needles on the ground that can cause a cut and lead to bleeding. Make her wear socks and shoes to prevent such incidents. Always accompany her and check the equipment before she climbs on it.
* Crowd of children: “A large number of children vying for the same slide or swing can lead to pushing and this may result in falls and injuries. If there is too much jostling at, say a slide, take her to another area and come back when the slide is less crowded. You must also supervise the play,” states Dr Phadnis.
* Unhygienic food: Poor hygiene conditions often contaminate food and water available on the roadside ie outside parks. She must avoid these food items as well as water because it can lead to severe gastroenteritis or typhoid. You can carry home food or packaged food and water for your little munchkin!

Dr Phadnis concludes, “It’s important to be careful but remember that being hyper about her safety may kill the joy of childhood play and fun. Be an alert and watchful parent. Try and be reasonably safe, but don’t go to extreme lengths. Remember, you cannot prevent every mosquito bite, rash or scratch or fall. If some kind of harm comes to the child, despite every precaution that you take, do not feel guilty or curse others. You can deal with it in an effective way.” M&B

Note: If there is any injury or fall on the playground, take her to her pediatrician and remember to give an injection for tetanus.
MALLS AND RESTAURANTS: You must be very attentive when you take her to crowded places like malls and restaurants. Supervised play is recommended in the play zones of the malls that are meant for kids. Dr Phadnis suggests, “If the fear of her getting lost is gripping you, it can be prevented by reminding her to not to let go of your hand, especially when it’s crowded. Show her a place or spot where she can go and wait in case she gets lost. You can also keep an ID tag on her that has your name and contact number. If your are shopping and if she has a tendency to wander, a child leash can be used to prevent the child from going far away.” If you take her to a restaurant, watch what she reaches for. Restaurants might place hot pots of coffee or boiling water directly on the table. The same goes for hot plates as well as the table cloth. Kids often reach for these or knock them over or touch them with their fingertips and end up hurting themselves. She might  even grab your cup of coffee, take a gulp, sending hot liquid down her throat. When she is bored, she might decide to run around and play. Hence, you need to be an attentive parent.
POLLUTION: According to Dr Phadnis, in today’s world complete prevention from exposure to polluted air, food and water is almost impossible. However, she says, “This may be expensive and not always possible, but you can try switching to organically grown grains, vegetables and fruits from a known sources of production. Her drinking water should be purifi ed with appropriate filters and boiled whenever needed. Bathing with water from a bore well can be harsh on her skin but applying a moisturiser after her bath may help. Avoid taking her to high traffi c zones to prevent hazards of air pollution.”

Words Sahana Bhandari
Illustrations Ajay Paradkar

Breastfeeding but still putting on weight? We explain why this can happen and how to deal with it…

With the arrival of the newborn, life has undoubtedly changed beyond belief – and so has your waistline. Gaining weight during pregnancy is natural, normal and inevitable. But what about the postpartum period? Do you find yourself hopping on the scale every day and seeing the same or sometimes even higher numbers? “My baby is 12 weeks old and I’m bigger now than I was while I was pregnant. I have put on extra pounds since the fifth week of giving birth. Now I feel depressed to have gained the weight back,” says Sunila Shetigar, mum to Anisha. If you have been noticing your weight has increased even when you have already given birth to your baby, don’t fret too much. As every woman is different, some nursing mothers retain at least some of the weight they gained during pregnancy longer than others do.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE
According to Dr Varsha, clinical nutritionist and founder chairman of the Indian Institute of Nutritional Sciences, it is normal to put on weight post-pregnancy. And, if you are wondering how long it will take you to return to your pre-pregnancy weight and shape, it largely depends on how much weight you gained while pregnant, whether you followed a regular exercise programme, whether you ate healthy and if you are breastfeeding or not.

BREASTFEEDING HELPS SOME MUMS LOSE WEIGHT…
Breastfeeding helps you lose your postpartum weight. It uses up calories and therefore helps to get off extra weight. Nature’s way of providing the extra calories needed for milk production is to store up fat during pregnancy. Lactation helps to use up these fat stores. Therefore, as a nursing mother, you are more likely to loose the fat you gained during your pregnancy than a woman who does not nurse her baby. After six months, the more frequently you nurse and the total time you spend breastfeeding, the more weight you are likely to lose.

BUT NOT ALL OF THEM…
However, not every mother loses her calories during her breastfeeding stage. Trying to lose weight after the baby’s birth can be diffi cult and stressful. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is important to recognise that there are certain reasons a woman may not lose weight after a pregnancy or may even gain weight.

WHY THIS HAPPENS
In fact, after the baby is born, weight loss comes a little less naturally to many women. “One of the reasons that leads to extra pounds is the total change in your body structure because of pregnancy. Another cause is the sudden shift in your priorities that might result in weight gain. Once the baby arrives, your fi gure may be the last thing on your mind. Handling the newborn makes a new mum lapse into carelessness of her own needs,” explains Dr Varsha. Some mothers who decrease their physical activity and think they must eat more to make milk do gain weight. Lack of sleep can also be one of the reasons of weight gain. If you did not have enough sleep the night before, it can lead to droopy energy level during the day. Most of you might turn to food for energy sustenance. Further, discussing whether there’s a possibility of hormonal reasons leading to this weight gain, she adds, “Postpregnancy weight cannot be attributed just to hormones as this factor came into play when the pregnancy started.”

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WHAT YOU CAN DO
While you’re breastfeeding, you should not be dieting strenuously. You should not be following a liquid diet, low-carb diet, taking any weight-loss medicines or cutting your calories. Your body needs to have enough nutrients to produce milk. Dr Varsha says, “Avoid quick-fix solutions. Dieting should never be considered during the period of nursing. A drastic weight loss is dangerous for any individual and more so in a nursing mother. Weight loss indicates malnutrition. A nursing mother who is herself malnourished cannot bestow health to her newborn. If you become very undernourished, you’ll produce less milk, so you’ll be robbing your baby of her essential nutrients.”

Dr Varsha also explains Sunila’s concern over her diet’s affect on her milk. “Your milk is the only source of all nutrients for the newborn. The accelerated growth of both length and weight is accretion of the sum total of food consumed by the newborn which in this period is only milk. Hence your diet has to let the milk meet the total requirements of growth. If your diet is going to be in defi cit, so also would the milk be defi cit in those nutrients. If the mother has some stores, the newborn will deplete the mother. Hence mother must replete herself continuously to support the requirements of her newborn,” says Dr Varsha.

Weight loss should not be a priority and should also never be recommended as this juncture. However, if you are not losing weight gradually while nursing, Dr Varsha recommends some guidelines to help you get back in shape.

Super food: A new mum must eat super foods such as vegetables and fruits rather than continuing to follow the dictum ‘eating for two’.
– Boil, roast or bake meats and potatoes instead of frying them.
– Snack on raw vegetables and fruits instead of potato chips and cookies.
– Eat fresh fruits rather than sweetened canned ones.
– Eliminate or eat very little of high-fat cheeses, cakes, pastries and candy.

Stay hydrated: You should keep your body hydrated adequately by drinking enough plain water. Avoid having energy dense juices and sugared soft drinks.

Sleep well: You should be getting good sleep once you have delivered and are nursing your baby. A sleep-deprived mother is distraught and will pass on the stress to her newborn. So, team up with your husband in taking care of the baby. A newborn doesn’t recognise time and day so she may wake up and fret even if it’s three in the morning. Take turns with your husband whenever your baby frets so you both can have ample sleep.

Regular exercise: There is always this notion that pregnancy is debilitating and hence requires resting. No, that is totally untrue. A well-planned exercise schedule is extremely important in your weight-loss programme. Exercise helps the healing process and expedites your return to your pre-pregnancy weight. You might find it helpful to begin increasing the number of times you exercise each week. This may be enough to help to jump-start your metabolism and may help you to begin losing weight. M&B

Words Sahana Bhandari
Visuals Mother & Baby Picture Library

 

Since it’s Father’s Day on June 16, we talked to a few mums to do a quick check on just how involved today’s dads are with babycare…

We all know that it is important for a dad to help with the baby. He might get the diaper on backwards or come to the verge of tears when the baby howls in hunger or simply place the kid in a motorised swing while he watches sports. However, except for not being able to breastfeed, your husband can do everything it takes to care for a baby just as well as you can, especially if he gets some practice. So, how often does he come to your aid? We spoke to a few mums to know how helpful their partners are with their babies…

JAYA NAIR,
mum to Tanisha, one and a half
Manoj is an amazing husband and father to Tanisha. I have to admit that, initially, I was scared to play the role of a mother. That’s when he took charge of the baby. We had also hired a nanny for Tanisha. He learnt everything from the nanny, right from diaper changing to swaddling. He used to wake up in the middle of the night to calm her down every time she cried. One of his best qualities was the way he used to sit beside me while I breastfed the baby. He was the one who started feeding her solid food. Even today, if Tanisha throws a tantrum, I can always count on Manoj to take care of the situation. He takes her out for a walk to bring a change in her mood. After returning home from outdoors and after she’s had her meal, it is Manoj’s responsibility to clean her up. He has always been there for me and Tanisha.

MEGHANA DHARESHWAR,
mum to Diya, two
I had to let go of control and allow Chandrashekhar to take care of our daughter the way he wanted to with some guidance from me rather than get him scared of taking care of the baby that he would not want to do so. There are times when I do have to remind him to do certain things ie. bedtime, but he is learning and doing great. As soon as he gets home from work, the first thing he does is goes straight for the baby. I don’t have to ask. He helps her dress up and combs her hair. If I am tired, he stays with the baby so I can sleep. We make a great team.

SARITA VENUGOPAL,
mum to Shriyan, five
My husband Sanjay is very helpful. I honestly couldn’t accept anything less. In the beginning, when I was nursing, I used to stay up all night long but he was still very helpful with chores, meals and baby stuff during the day. When he has an off, he feeds Shriyan and lays him down for his afternoon nap. He helps our son to get dressed and takes him out to play. He entertains him as I cook breakfast and cleans up too. He has been there to comfort Shriyan whenever he’s been sick. He has also accompanied me for Shriyan’s vaccination routines. He does a pretty good job at making me feel like I have a teammate to help with our baby. We work
best when together.

SEEMA RANA,
mum to Muskan, five
When Muskan was an infant, Aman would only play with her. He was never comfortable being alone with her for more than a few hours. But he would help me with the household chores so I could feed, change and bathe her. As she got older, he would play more and get involved in feeding her and changing her diapers. He used to leave early for work and take her to playschool in the morning and also pick her up, since his work schedule is more flexible than mine. Now, Muskan is five and he spends the whole day with her. While I help her with her homework, he manages the kitchen work. I am very grateful for everything he does. M&B

Words Sahana Bhandari
Visuals Mother & Baby Picture Library

 

We love them unconditionally; we miss them at work; we know what’s best for them. Yet, there are times when we wonder if our way is the right way to

nurture the little buds. Ensure your child’s emotional and psychological well-being with these handy tips from renowned psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany…

At some stage or another, almost every child displays anxiety, lack of confidence or insecurity in the way that he relates to or interacts with his surroundings and peer group. Such phases are transient and common to all children, irrespective of whether he has a working mum or a stay-at-home mum. But the myth that children of working mums have more psychological and emotional problems is still believed to be true by many. Expert child psychologist and play therapist Dr Seema Hingorrany destroys this belief when she tells M&B that children of home-maker mummies are equal in numbers when it comes to seeking professional help to sort out psychological and behavioural issues.

MISSING MUMMY
“There is no denying the fact that children of working mums miss their parents and start to express their feelings around the age of five years,” Dr Hingorrany opines. Settling down with a comfortable work-life balance is always a challenge for the mother of an infant or a toddler. But after these initial years pass by, the next challenge may come when children start making friends in school and realise that there maybe kids whose home routine is different – there may not be a crèche or a maid for childcare since the mum is not working. She says, “Comparison with other parents is possible. I have also seen little ones getting emotionally upset because the parent cannot pick up or drop him to school and he refuses to go with the maid or in the school bus.” Such situations need sensitive handling with exclusive time spent with your child, deep patience and open communication. With work places getting more accommodating, it should not be impossible for parents to take turns and give occasional surprises to your little one by fulfilling his wishes.

UNDER DURESS
Having interacted with many urban children from different backgrounds through her counselling sessions, Dr Hingorrany has developed her perspective about relationships, family dynamics and parenting principles. She points out some common mistakes that parents may make and invite trouble in the parent-child relationship: “In a city like Mumbai, one of the biggest problems faced by working mums is the long commute hours. Add to that the work stress, and it is a perfect recipe for unrest at home. Frustration sets in and, unfortunately, parents give the impression that the kids simply mean additional stress and an extra burden. When a tired parent confronts a child who has made a mistake, the reaction is not the ideal one. So, it is best not to react instantly and be aware of your own state of mind.” M&B’s expert counsellor also advises that keeping in regular touch with the teachers is important to understand your child better.

LEAN ON ME
An active role of the father in the family is a huge support for a working mum, she avers and gives an example from her own life: “Even I face the challenges of a working mum. Just last week, I promised to watch a movie with my daughter. However, some urgent work came up and I could not accompany her. But my hubby stepped in and the father-daughter duo enjoyed the day instead. A proactive role in upbringing one’s child helps to build strong relationships within the family and provides great emotional bonding.” Other issues that have a subtle impact on your child’s emotional health may be accepted behaviour in some households. Dr Hingorrany says that it is very typical for some fathers to pass on the blame for even little issues at home. The working mum is an easy target since the mindset of sharing responsibilities equally among parents is still a long way away for many Indian dads. But such attitudes reflect adversely on the child and may be the root of many psychological problems. Therefore, the father’s role is critical in a family where the mum has decided to work.

ADULTS ONLY
In our rush to ‘manage’ our lives, we may sometimes forget some basic dos and don’ts that our parents have taught us. But some rules, like not discussing finances in front of your child, should never be broken. Adult issues need not be mentioned before your growing child even though you may feel that he is mature enough, suggests Dr Hingorrany. She reiterates the importance of ‘quality time’ and says that the number of hours may really not count if your child is fed up or irritated with your interaction. She also points out that 75 per cent of Indian parents still believe in hitting the child to ensure discipline. “While we fight against corporal punishment in schools, we follow the same path in our homes. How can we nurture healthy kids if we give vent to adult disturbances in the way we react to them?” she questions.

A LITTLE EXTRA
It is true that the working mum has to put in a little extra effort to ensure a healthy and happy childhood for her children. Socialising may have to take a back seat, ‘me’ time may be compromised and long phone chats with friends may need to be cut short. Even gym visits may be rarer but you will at least be able to ensure that after-work hours are spent with your child. “If feeding and sleeping of the baby becomes the maid’s job even when you’re around and weekends are kept for friends and parties, your child is definitely not getting enough of you. Aggression, addiction to the computer, bedwetting, vomiting or nausea, frequent body aches, attention-seeking, restlessness, sleep disturbances and even withdrawn behaviour in school and home are all signals that you should take notice, seek help and be willing to make adjustments,” Dr Hingorrany explains.

MAGIC MANTRA
A high level of empathy can help you to build an amazing relationship with your child. Your interaction is not about projecting your own fears and insecurities by acting paranoid but about trying to understand the ‘other’ point of view. Today’s good parenting mantra seems to say, ‘listen, not lecture’. Keep the path for communication and dialogue open and remember that being defensive does not help. Our expert recommends that even parents should not be afraid to say a sorry and egos must be abandoned. After all, if mental health fails, nothing else really works for your child. M&B

Words Subarna Ghosh
Visual Mother & Baby Picture Library

Sometimes we get so caught up in coping with life that we start sweating the small stuff. We asked Dr Nalini Taneja, a motivational speaker, consultant

and author of All That Matters – Reflections on a Life Lived Well, to offer easy tips on making the working mommy life work for you…

So, you just had a baby. Welcome to the real world. Your life is about to change forever. Life is a constant whirlwind of activity for all of us but more so for women who have full-time careers and children to take care of. You are probably completely hassled as you are busy feeding the baby, having sleepless nights, trying to catch up on your daily chores and, of course, the usual cooking, cleaning and taking care of the house. Suddenly, 24 hours seem less… really less. Handling all this and eventually getting back to work is not going to be easy, but it’s certainly something you can manage, using some helpful techniques.

First and foremost, realise you have just experienced one of the greatest miracles on earth – you have become a part of the creation process. You just delivered a healthy baby. Secondly have gratitude for the fact that everything went off smoothly. Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the present moment – of being a mum. Now, it is understood that you have much more to do now but if you organise your self a bit, it will not be that difficult.

Each one of us has the same 1,440 minutes in a day, the same 3,600 in an hour and this has not changed – as we know – for many centuries. You have to remember that time is a limited commodity and it is totally up to you how you utilise it. Take control of it as only you can; someone else will not come and do it for you. Here are some ways you can streamline your life and find a semblance of sanity among your newfound duties.

In the early days…TAKE SHORT NAPS
With the arrival of the newborn, your sleeping routine is bound to change drastically, especially for the first couple of months. Newborn babies tend to keep awake at night and sleep during the day. For you, it is important to take rest as and when you can. The bad news is that you may not be able to sleep for eight hours at a stretch. The good news is you can rejuvenate yourself with short 10-minute naps.

ASK FOR HELP
Sit with your spouse and let him know that you need more help around the house. Communicate in clear terms the support you require from him. Train your house help well. If you have friends or family members who can help with picking up the dry cleaning or baby sit so that you can run some errands, ask them for help.

CREATE ‘ME TIME’ FOR YOURSELF
You are a new mum. Another new mum tried a technique that helped her a lot. No matter what, she would take half an hour every day for herself. She called it her ‘ME TIME’. She set an alarm on her mobile and she created a ritual around it. The minute the alarm rang, she would sit silently where she was and just meditate or focus on her breathing followed by doing what she loved most. In her case, it was reading or practising her singing voice. Do whatever speaks to you or works for you. It could be cooking, gardening, just sitting and relaxing or writing. You could get a manicure, make a nice salad for yourself, or treat yourself to a nice facial.

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As you start getting back to work…
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AN AMAZING MORNING
Set out your clothes and your baby’s clothes the night before. Create a routine that before sleeping at night you will keep in one place the nappies, clothes, sweaters – basically, whatever that your baby needs during the course of the day – at one place. The clothes, shoes and accessories that you will wear also need to be kept at one place. Another important thing to start your day on the right note is to have a good breakfast. A study by Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital revealed that children and adults who eat breakfast perform better on tests, have better focus and concentration and they are able to think faster and make faster decisions. Options for a healthy breakfast include a handful of nuts, fruits, cereal and milk, vegetable poha, idli (rated by the World Health Organisation as one of the best meals one can have), two egg whites scrambled or in an omelette, a whole-grain bread sandwich, oats, a glass of milk.

OVER THE WEEKEND
Make your to-do lists, ask help from your partner to finish weekly grocery shopping, and organise the kitchen. When you cook a meal cook one portion extra and deep-freeze it. Keep boiled potatoes in the fridge so you can create easy meals quickly during the week. Make sure you use the pressure cooker more.

BE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
Try as much as you can to focus on the present. Breathe deeply. It means leaving your office work at the work place. Learn to relax and let go. There will be times your house won’t be spotless and that is fine. Start a gratitude journal where you record all the things that you are thanful for. Take out five minutes a day to focus on nature, whether it is listening to the sound of the wind or observing the colour of a new leaf, the sunrise or the sunset. Take care of the moments. As children’s author Maria Edgeworth is quoted as saying, “If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.”

EXERCISE
Do it in short spurts. Do not think you have to exercise at a stretch for 30 minutes or more. Whether you walk for 30 minutes at a stretch or do 10 minutes of it three times a day, it works out to be the same. Dance to your favourite song or do surya namaskar (sun salutation), do 10-20 jumping jacks and lunges. The point is to do some sort of exercise. A few things that you should not do are to watch TV endlessly, read newspapers compulsively that will only remind you of corruption, scandals and world problems, or worry about unnecessary things. They will not change because you decided to worry about them.

TAKE BABY STEPS
Remember it is your life, and all you need to do is enjoy it. Relax and take a deep breath and enjoy the moments of this new adventure called motherhood. You owe it to yourself. M&B

Illustrations
Ajay Paradkar

M&B spoke to Barbara Harper, worldrenowned clinician, researcher, speaker and founder of Water Birth International as she began a series of seminars in Mumbai exploring waterbirth.

Barbara has been educating and training practitioners since three decades and her book, Gentle Birth Choices is required reading for midwife and doula courses. Find out how the infant brain develops and why we need to rethink birth…

 

HOW DID YOU DECIDE ON COMING TO INDIA WITH YOUR WORKSHOP?
I have been invited to India many times. In November 2012, I conducted workshops in Delhi, Hyderabad, Bengaluru and Kochi. That is when I met Dr Veda from Daimaa’s Natural Birth and Wellness Centre and she invited me to Mumbai. I came again on January 30 this year, on an invitation from Fortis Hospital for a grand opening of their centre in Gurgaon. Though Fortis is a normal hospital set-up, 20 doctors from fi ve of their top locations came for training on how to conduct waterbirths. Then, after a workshop at Kuala Lampur, I was back in Mumbai for this seminar.

HOW WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE IN MUMBAI?
Yesterday, we were at the Cama Hospital, talking to student nurses and midwives. Today, we are at the seminar at Holy Family Hospital, organised by Daimaa’s, where we have a selective but very involved audience consisting of obstetricians, midwives, physiotherapists and birth educators who have a vested interest in discovering how warm water can help a woman in labour. This is to be followed by a talk at Sion Hospital where I expect the reach to be much wider.

WHAT DO YOU TALK ABOUT IN THESE SEMINARS?
I don’t just talk about water birth but the whole subject of gentle birth. Water is just one option that can be chosen and I illustrate so many other things about the physiology of both mother and baby and what it takes to accept and raise a possible human. We think the baby can’t think or feel, is just a blob and it is a separate part of the mother. But it isn’t like that. The mother and baby’s connection is just like we see in the movie Avatar – they are plugged in together. The baby’s behaviour is determined by how the mother holds and accepts the baby right from the beginning of pregnancy. What I am offering is things that one can do to prepare the mother for receiving the baby right on her chest and why this is so physiologically important. I talk about how our human brains are wired and what we need to be loving, kind, empathetic, self-regulated and healthy. All these things are laid down in the pregnancy, the environment of the mother, her mental status, her emotional status, what we do to her and for her during the birth event and immediately post-partum. All this has an impact not just on her life but on the baby’s life too – especially on the baby’s life.

WHY SHOULD MOTHERS CHOOSE WATER FOR BIRTHING? IS IT ONLY TO RELIEVE PAIN OR IS THERE ANY OTHER IMPACT?
There is a huge impact. The water is her safe space. She is comfortable and it returns the control to her. People can do things to her when she is on a bed, but when she is in a tub of water, it is harder to get to her. It is her private, sacred space. It truly returns the control to her. You may ask why should women be in control when doctors know how to deliver babies? Well, babies know how to be born. They have a biological imprinting in their brains. They are wired for birth and wired to immediately go to their mother’s chest and find the breast. Just like a cat or dog or horse. We are mammals first and foremost. But we have medicalised that process and removed ourselves from our own bodies.

DOES LABOUR FEEL DIFFERENT IN WATER?
Women in water feel things more intensely –not the pain but the movement of the baby. Women tell me all the time, “I feel the baby kicking”, “I feel the baby coming out.” On the bed, you are just so consumed with the pain, the birth and the trauma of what is being done to you in the name of protection that you can’t be emotionally present. So you distance yourself from it. It’s like being raped. In fact, this kind of medicalisation or the intervention process is called birth rape in certain cultures around the world. It dehumanises the woman and separates her from her body. It gives the message that she is not good enough and her body is not capable and that only the doctor or nurse can make this birth happen. This is a generational and societal lie that has been put on women so they too feel that way. When a women is empowered with information and she understands how her body and the baby works and both of them are supported with love and comfort, including the use of warm water, the whole picture changes. And we have women who’ve said, “Why didn’t you tell me I was going to have an orgasm!” It becomes joyfi lled and love-fi lled instead of dread-filled and fear-fi lled. Water is the simplest tool that we have and it has been around for aeons. People sought warm water in many cultures – the Egyptians, Chinese, Samoans, Hawaiians, the native blacks from Ghana, etc.

THOSE WHO HAVE CONDUCTED WATERBIRTHS IN INDIA SAY THAT EVEN WATERBIRTH COMES WITH SPECIFIC EQUIPMENT LIKE THE THERMOMETER WHICH CHECKS THE TEMPERATURE. IN FACT, THERE ARE DOS AND DON’TS ASSOCIATED WITH WATER BIRTH. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS?
You can give birth in an ocean, a river or even a puddle or paddling pool. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It is not mandatory to get equipment from abroad. I have seen births in wash basins and kiddy paddling pools and very shallow bathtubs and even in the ocean. So what I want to say is, don’t make it more complicated by medicalisation. I throw the thermometer out as the right temperature is what the woman is comfortable in. Anyhow, to be specifi c, I don’t like the water any warmer than 38 degrees centigrade since it makes the mum too hot and sweaty. So anywhere between 32 and 37 degree centigrade is recommended. And the temperature doesn’t matter for the baby as the baby is not stimulated to take a breath until its brain senses that it is in an oxygenfi lled environment.

IN INDIA, WHERE WE TAKE MANY PREVENTIVE VACCINES DUE TO EXPOSURE TO INFECTION, A PREGNANT WOMAN WOULD BE SCARED OF CONTRACTING SOME INFECTION IF SHE WAS GOING TO THE BEACH TO HAVE HER BABY, EVEN IF COMPLETE PRIVACY WAS PROVIDED TO HER. SO IS THE WAY THAT YOU ARE SUGGESTING NOT SUITABLE FOR INDIA?
Let’s get one thing straight – birth is not sterile. You should have clean water in a clean environment. Is waterbirth safe? Yes. All the research studies and randomised controlled trials say that waterbirth is as safe as any other vaginal birth method. So what we need is not bottled water but bathable or cooking water and some method to heat it. Ideally, also a dimly-lit environment because we are dealing with the same hormones that were produced when you made love and created the baby. Ask yourself what kind of environment did you want to be in when you conceived – soft light, soft music, relaxation…Whatever it took to get the baby in is the same environment we should have, even if it’s in a medical centre, to get the baby out. We must remember that medical centres are not the safest place to have babies as they are full of infection.

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WHEN DOES THE BABY BEGIN TO BREATHE WHEN IT IS BORN IN WATER?
There are receptors in the face around the nose and mouth called the trigeminal nerve or the fifth cranial nerve that say to the brain, “I feel the presence of oxygen and gravity.” Those two things tell the baby that it has been born. And it starts switching over from foetal circulation. Inside the womb, it’s an aquatic mammal and outside, an airbreathing mammal. The transition through water is a continuation of the womb and so I call it ‘a womb with a view’. The baby comes out, stretches for the first time and opens its eyes, maybe makes a face but does not attempt to take a breath because it is physiologically not possible. As it moves its limbs in a swimming motion, the mother gradually picks up the baby and it starts to breathe in air. As a midwife, I don’t do anything. I only support the woman to do as her body dictates. She can move into any position with the water facilitating it.

WHICH POSITION IS MOST SUITABLE FOR BIRTH?
Babies can be born with the woman standing, squatting, kneeling, on hands and knees and they do that in or out of water. It’s a societal lie that the mother has to be on a bed with her feet up in stirrups with the doctors watching the baby coming out. Women must understand that it is their body and their job to let the baby out because the baby has been programmed neurologically, biologically and cellularly to be born and attach to a breast. Its behaviour has been pre-programmed.

THEN WHY DOES A MIDWIFE HAVE TO BE PRESENT AT ALL?
To know if things are not going right. She is listening to the baby, the heart rate and how the labour’s going.

BUT THERE IS NO INTERVENTION?
No. During an undisturbed birth, the midwife is monitoring and supporting the woman so that she can follow her and the baby’s cues.

IS BUILDING A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE WOMAN AND HER MIDWIFE NECESSARY?
It is ideal but not absolutely necessary. Many times I have walked into a room and provided comfort and safety to the woman. I have never met her before and I don’t know her name or her language. It has happened to me in China, Taiwan and Mexico. I just watch and support while the woman delivers the baby. And so we connect.

HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO HAVE A DOCTOR OR MEDICAL CENTRE ON THE STANDBY?
If the mother wants to ensure that no matter how the birth goes, a live baby is the result, and is not willing to take any risk whatsoever or take responsibility for that outcome, then she can place herself in a centre like Daimaa’s which has an Operation Theatre in it for emergencies. Homebirth in a city like Mumbai, anyway we look at it, is diffi cult. You can be close to a centre but the traffic here cannot be predicted. So, I think it’s safer from the perspective of a mother who wants a live baby to place herself within at most, half an hour drive away from a centre where a C-section can be performed. Having said that, I must also say that the Caesarean rate when I was practising as midwife was two per cent. The national average in United States today is 35 per cent, Mexico is 68 per cent, China is 60 per cent and in urban centres in India it would probably be between 60 and 80 per cent.

EVEN IN A MEDICAL FACILITY, CAN WATER BE OFFERED FOR ADDED BENEFITS?
Water makes birth easier. You have smiling mothers. Within a one month period in 1982, there was a water birth in every continent. After my first daughter was born in a traditional hospital set-up, I had my two sons at home in water. I pushed for educating providers in nursing and medical schools so that waterbirth can be offered to women and they can find out more about it. But what happened in the UK was amazing – one can have a waterbirth in every single NHS hospital. Every lady has a choice and it was the women who had asked for it and made it happen.

HOW CAN WE BEGIN TO EMPOWER WOMEN NOT ONLY IN URBAN CENTRES BUT THROUGHOUT OUR COUNTRY?
It has to start with prenatal education in middle or high school at the age of 12 or 13 years.

WHAT SHOULD THIS PRENATAL EDUCATION INCLUDE?
It should include more than just the process of birth. The physiology, anatomy, human brain development and why we need gentle birth. If I gave you a proposal before you have babies that I have this process that can guarantee you that when your baby is three years old he will be loving, empathetic, kind, eat all vegetables, go to sleep when you ask, express love, receive love, be talented and artistic, would you be interested in finding out more about the programme? The prenatal programme would involve understanding your body because it’s better to get people prior to conception understand the infl uences on conception.

HOW WILL YOUR APPROACH MAKE A DIFFERENCE?
The principle is that we are spiritual beings seeking a physical experience and that the baby has only one opportunity to be born. There are major infl uences on personality and character development that form in pregnancy, the birth event and the very first hours. The title of my next book, ‘Embracing the miracle: How pregnancy, birth and the first hour infl uence human potential’ talks about this. If a woman knows all this and still chooses a medical birth then she will have to live with the consequences which include increasing violence on the planet, ADHD, Asperger’s and skyrocketing autism rates, child suicides and medication for fi ve and six year olds. We never had this kind of wholesale medicalisation of childbirth at any time in our past. We are at a very desperate crossroads right now and it can go even further. This affects health not just in the short-term or infancy. If we want a healthier society, we need to pay attention to what happens during pregnancy, birth and the first few hours.

HOW WAS THE RESPONSE TO YOUR WORKSHOP IN INDIA?
One of the doctors from Jaipur told me, “Your workshop has changed the way I view birth for good, forever.” My message is simple and non-threatening. One cannot be held responsible if one is not aware of the latest scientifi c developments in epigenetics and infl uence of emotions on growth and brain development of the foetus. We have lots of research-based evidence and need to accept this gift. Fortis Hospital called me back to train their doctors in humanistic and gentle maternity care because it is clearly evident that we can create a different society in one generation. A gentle birth leads to a gentle earth. M&B

NEW LEARNING
“I learned that water birth is so much simpler than I had been used to doing it. Its also best for VBAC mums, mums with borderline high blood pressure and even breech babies. I unlearned that water has to be a certain temperature before the mum can get in. I used to worry about infection but Barbara has given ample proven research that now I no longer feel the need to get tonnes of distilled water. Care providers can also set-up their waterbirthing centres with a pump, geyser and ozonator which will clean water with oxygen and kill germs.” – Lina Duncan, seminar participant and doula

A GOOD START
“This workshop turns an ob/gyn 180 degrees around. We know the technicalities but this approach gives dignity to the woman. At Cama Hospital, we had mostly nurses and midwives in attendance and at the Holy Family event, there were nodal people participating. There were 250 postgraduate students, doctors, nurses attending the talk at Sion Hospital. Senior faculty at Sion Hospital knew about waterbirth but shrugged it off as non-viable in their set-up. Now we may see dissertations
coming up in this topic. However, a lot of evidence-based practices and hand-holding is required before the concept of gentle birth finds its place in India.” – Dr Veda Simons, organiser, obstetrician, founder of Daimaa’s Birth Centre, Mumbai

Words Subarna Ghosh
Visuals Gireesh Sharma