A job, babies and life, how do working mothers manage it all? Reshma O Pathare speaks to some of them to find out..
THERE is no tougher job than being a mum. Life is never the same again after that tiny little being enters your life. Sleep deprivation, erratic timings with sometimes having no time for even a pee-break and zero inclination to even think of looking half as groomed as earlier – these are just some of the thousand ways in which a woman’s life changes when she becomes a mother. What then must be the state of those mums who need to go back to work after a short maternity leave? In India, a woman gets an average of 12 weeks as maternity leave; half of which she is expected to take before her delivery. Safe to say, most women need to go back to work leaving behind an infant who is barely two to three months. While the time frame differs in keeping with different policies of different organisations, more or less a woman needs to get back to her job by the time her baby barely completes six months of age. Leaving behind such a small baby and being able to contribute optimally at work without letting nagging worries about the baby bog her, is no cakewalk for any mother. So, how then do they manage this tight-rope walk? M&B spoke to four mums who have accomplished this feat and got them to share their mantra for success:
SHEETAL RAY 31, media and communications professional from Mumbai . Mum to Zidan, 9 months Got back to work when Zidan was 6 months
Managing breastfeeding “My work place is not too far from home. So I express breastmilk with an electric pump, and make one visit in the afternoon to feed him again. Zidan has just turned 9 months, so I feed him in the morning, express one feed for the afternoon, and then feed him directly at the night.”
Support system “I live with my in laws, so I get a lot of help from my mum-in-law. People in office are also supportive, but work is work and it does get difficult if I can’t reach offi ce on time, or I need to extend
my working hours. That is the challenge of being a working mother. But I am able to balance things out with the help of supportive colleagues.”
Guilt pangs
“Oh I suffer from a lot of guilt, even though it’s been three months since I resumed work, and know that he is in safe hands. I feel especially bad when Zidan clings to me when I am home, or when he cries because of delays at work. My family members give him all the comfort he needs, but I sill feeling guilty for not being there for him.”
Separation anxiety
“I strongly feel that it is not right for a mother to leave a small child alone. No one can take care of a baby as well as the mother. But in this day and age, we women have to take into consideration our careers and income opportunities in order to be able to provide a better life to our children. It’s therefore best to equip the child to deal with the separation anxiety by reassuring him of your presence, and by balancing work and home.”
Working around work
“Frankly, my dedication to work has taken a beating. Earlier, I was never in a hurry to go home, but now once I am done, I don’t think of doing extra work. Of course, I complete what I have undertaken, but I fi nd myself refraining from taking initiative and suggesting something new. Before Zidan, I never hesitated to work on holidays but these days if I have to work on holidays even from home I am frustrated.”
Mommy mantra
“The biggest challenge is to be a good mother who takes care of her child’s diet, growth, medicines etc, as well as to be a good employee who does her work immaculately. It is really tough to balance both, but I plan my day well. I have divided all his medicines in ‘morning-evening’ segments. I am also in the process of very slowly weaning him off breastmilk, and introducing him to new foods. Once I am back from work, I spend at least an hour with Zidan fi rst, and then occupy myself with other household work. I also avoid arranging meetings late in the evening, or very early in the morning.
SHAMLI SAKHARE CHRISTOPHER
35, architect from Bengaluru. Mum to Svara, 10 months Got back to work when Svara was 8 months
Managing breastfeeding
“My daughter started on solids by the time I resumed work, so that took a lot of load off me. I know that breastfeeding is the best source of nutrition for a baby, and I plan to continue breastfeeding Svara until she completes 15 months.”
Support system
“My partner and I believe in equal parenting. We consciously make an effort to adjust our professional responsibilities around our child. Besides, my mother-in-law is a huge support. She likes spending time with her granddaughter, and comes to my house during the day to supervise the nanny. Since I have my own architectural practice, my work timings are fl exible. My business partner also had a baby around the same time, so we understand the importance of giving each other space and fl exibility to fulfi l our motherly responsibilities.”
Guilt pangs
“I don’t feel guilty because I know that either my partner or mum-in-law is taking care of my daughter. However, I turn slightly anxious when I’m delayed at work because of an extended meeting or site visit. This may be because I have programmed myself to not see her during my standard work time.”
Separation anxiety
“I’m not sure if my daughter suffered from separation anxiety. In fact, I passed through that stage myself when I resumed work. This is a constant emotional struggle between the mother and her child. Maybe, at some point, we too will face this challenge.”
Working around work
“I don’t know if I’ve managed to balance work and baby, but I’m happy that I have enough time to spend with my daughter before and after work. At the same time, I am professionally driven, and have always made sure that I deliver to my clients what we have agreed upon.”
Mommy mantra
“The main challenge is in being a mother. It’s a never-ending responsibility. I’m yet to figure out if there’s a mantra at all. Motherhood is a continuous process; there are new challenges and new milestones every day. You just have to take it one day at a time.”
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